relationships – Life Lessons

Stand On Business, Not Bitterness

People will walk all over you, if you let them. I know from experience. I was once a revolving door, but now I require an access card. I used to reward people without making them work for it. But that’s unfair. You don’t deserve a badge of honor for messing over good people. It’s not about reciprocity. It’s about respect.

If it’s easy for someone to exit a relationship, then they were only one foot in. An alliance with you shouldn’t be an escape room experience, but it should earn one some points. When you’re scoring high on many charts in life, including integrity, honesty, and loyalty, your character is worth a lot. Why wouldn’t you value a relationship that has free benefits and longevity? Jobs can’t even guarantee that anymore.

Don’t just play games, Win them

Relationships are important – even corporations understand that. People do business with people they trust. In this world, trust goes a long way. It can get you access to other important people, money, jobs, loans, and so much more. Only fools fumble good people, which causes them to lose points. And if you haven’t realized it by now, life is like a game of chess. One wrong move can set you back.

You don’t win a game by losing points. And of course, every loss isn’t a loss. However, you should be careful and avoid burning bridges with people who have never done you any wrong. They are a gift from God. Take a look around you and assess all the relationships that dissolved because of misunderstandings, gossip, jealousy, or envy.

Don’t let any of the aforementioned block your blessings. God blesses through people, not popular opinions or feelings. If a friend or family member of yours is doing better than you, then you need to take lessons and move in closer, not farther apart. Information is sometimes hidden or unavailable to common folk, but your friend or family member may have access.

Don’t go back and forth, Deny Access

If you can see the value in yourself, then so should they. People who don’t have the decency to apologize and take accountability for their actions should be taught a lesson. Stop letting people just resurface without an explanation or apology. Yes, they do owe you that if you’ve been nothing but loyal and kind. Forgiveness does not mean reconnect and forget. It erases resentment so you can have peace.

Protect your peace by denying them access to you. You can still be cordial, but you need to stand on business. Otherwise, they will treat you like a revolving door because you have no boundaries. Hold these people accountable by letting them know where they went wrong with you, if you decide to let them back in. But always remember, a zebra cannot change its stripes, and wolves can come in sheep’s clothing.

Always use discernment when dealing with people who have failed the morality test. Deduct history, length of time, and relationship because they will cloud your judgement.

Life is too short to be wasting your good energy and time with ungrateful people.

“To know me is a gift. To receive my love is a blessing. To cross me is a warning. To lose me is a lesson.”

-Bianca A. McCormick-Johnson ✍🏽

Check out my books in the links below:

I’m G.O.O.D. – Volume One

https://store.bookbaby.com/book/im-good

https://a.wco/d/dDLzPDo

I’m Still G.O.O.D. – Volume Two

https://store.bookbaby.com/book/im-still-good1

https://a.sco/d/8t5nx9m

Don’t Count People Out, When God Counted You In

When you make a lifestyle change and decide to start eating clean, you refrain from putting bad food into your body. As you get closer to God, you realize some things and people just don’t suit you anymore. Thus, you begin to detoxify your circle and weed out all negative energy. It’s practically normal and necessary. However, don’t become a person who’s too holy to hold hands with a sinner, now that you’re delivered.

When walking in step with the Lord, you should discover your role in ministry. I don’t mean joining a church ministry. Ministry is simply your gift or contribution of service. Some people are prayer warriors. Some people send out daily prayers or spiritual messages. Some people bring people together in fellowship. Some people are good listeners or give good advice. Some people know how to point you to the right scripture or even quote one to fit your situation. Depending on your role in ministry, the person you’re counting out might need you.

Usually when sinners see that you’ve grown closer to God, for it should show in your walk and talk, they’ll either walk with you or away from you. If they choose to walk in your faith, let them – don’t leave them. But if they choose to walk away, let them and understand that it may be best. At least that person was responsible and respectful enough to help you keep your covenant with God, by not being a bad influence. Don’t take it personal when it’s purposeful.

“Your walk with God should bring healing and love. Your obedience to Him will secure your place above.”

-Bianca A. McCormick-Johnson ✍🏽

Check out my books in the links below:

I’m G.O.O.D. – Volume One

https://store.bookbaby.com/book/im-good

https://a.wco/d/dDLzPDo

I’m Still G.O.O.D. – Volume Two

https://store.bookbaby.com/book/im-still-good1

https://a.sco/d/8t5nx9m

Don’t Hit Send Yet

Have you ever received a message that ruffled your feathers or made you a little uncomfortable? Think about how you responded versus how you should’ve responded. I’ve had my share of those messages in the past, and I failed the test each time up until 2019.

Oftentimes, it’s not necessarily what was said but how it was conveyed or who delivered it. Sometimes people get offended by one word or remark that triggered the negative reaction. Nothing else mentioned in the entire message mattered.

We are all sensitive to a set of triggers that can really get our blood boiling. Typical triggers can include the use of profanity or sexually explicit language, mentioning a loved one or painful past event, a negative tone, threats, and etc. What sets you off can be determined by many factors, but the good news is, there are ways to combat it.

Whenever or if ever you receive a disturbing text or direct message, never respond right away. Take these steps instead:

Breathe

Breathing exercises can immediately cease the need to react with haste. It helps to relieve the anger and balance your emotions, allowing you to rationalize instead of antagonizing the situation. Take as many deep breaths as necessary to release all the negative energy stirred up from that unsettling message.

Think

There’s a reason behind every message. Sometimes the message has nothing to do with the reason, or the reason doesn’t quite align with the message. In that case, there’s an underlying problem that may have nothing to do with you.

I once received a disturbing phone call from a mutual friend. I was totally caught off guard and clueless to what she was saying. There was never bad energy between us, so I knew something was off.

During the first conversation, I mostly listened to what she had to say to try to understand her point, only to learn that there was none. She took her anger and frustration out on me because of some personal issues she was dealing with in her life. I thought I was just an easy target, until learning that she was going off on everyone in her circle.

I must admit, the second conversation didn’t go so well. I ended up using profanity and hanging up on her. That one offensive line hurt her feelings deeply. Sadly, I wished I had gone harder. Don’t judge me. God wasn’t through with me yet. However, I thank God I didn’t let the devil use me because that poor woman is still lost until this day.

Whether the person is totally out of line or has a reasonable explanation, always think before you speak. It can help you quickly diffuse the situation and ease the pain.

Forgive

If you know anything about forgiveness, then you should know this is for you, not necessarily the other person. It really does create inner peace. Holding onto anger and grudges take too much power and control over you. Trust me. I know from experience.

You may never forget how that person treated you, but at least, you’ll have peace of mind, which is priceless. If you need God’s help with forgiveness, seek it. Ask him to show his face, listen to your thoughts, and heal your heart from the pain this person has caused. If you don’t think you can do it the same day in which the message was received, then don’t respond that day. Allow yourself time to reflect and heal, so you can forgive.

It’s also okay to let the person know you’ve forgiven him or her. She’s ready to go back and forth. But remember, it doesn’t become a fight until you step into the ring. You’d be surprised at how your mature reaction can quickly put out a fire, unless you’re dealing with an unstable person or one with mental health issues.

Respond

Now that you’re ready to respond, how will you? If you still want to curse this person out, then you’re not ready because you haven’t healed. Not sure how? Always ask God to choose your words first. Nevertheless, you can always keep it short and sweet by saying something like, “None of this is true. I pray you get the answers you’re seeking.” “Your problem is not with me, but I’ll be praying for you.” “I’m sorry you feel this way, but this is totally unacceptable. I pray you get the help you need.” “I’m offended by your message. None of this makes sense. However, I forgive you and pray that you get the help you deserve.” “No weapon formed against me shall prosper. I’ll be praying for you.” Or you can always just say, “I’ll be praying for you.”

Sometimes it may be necessary to call or meet up, depending on the relationship or circumstances. Texting can get really ugly because many people don’t know how to communicate that way effectively, leading to messages getting misconstrued.

“Whether the message came from a foe or friend, think before hitting send. When communication gets lost, conflict begins.”

-Bianca A. McCormick-Johnson ✍🏽