Mental Health – Life Lessons

Mental Disability or Accountability?

A therapist can give you a clinical diagnosis of your behavior or feelings and strategies for overcoming them. But, let’s face it. Everyone is not battling with mental health issues. Some people are battling with morality issues. Others are weaponizing their mental disabilities.

Regular therapy sessions are meant to help you cope with your mental condition, not weaponize it. Thus, there’s no excuse for your abuse to others. Take full responsibility and accountability for your actions.

Every time you make a bad decision, you can’t keep blaming it on your mental state. You choose to deflect instead of accept the fact that you were wrong. I’m sure your therapist told you to take some responsibility and how to appropriately address the situation so you can heal. That’s their job. Your job is to listen and apply what you’ve learned.

Too many people in the world are gaslighting instead of igniting their inner strength to change their behavior. Regardless of your mental state, you need to learn to accept accountability for how you treat people.

No disorder should prevent you from acknowledging your role in any given situation or simply apologizing for your actions. If therapy and medication are not helping you with accountability, then you need prayer and supplication as well. Then you’ll have the trinity: spirit, therapy, and medication.

Nowadays, every behavioral trait has a clinical name. We’re putting more faith in what experts have to say instead of what God has been saying. No one can transform you but Him. Spiritual research reveals:

You can’t always have your way.

You can’t keep lying to people.

You can’t keep playing the victim.

You can’t always have the last word.

You can’t always be right.

You can’t always be first.

You can’t keep starting fights, yet expect to have a peaceful life.

Your disorder comes from thinking:

Everyone else is toxic.

Everyone else is disloyal.

Everyone else is untrustworthy.

Everyone else is unfaithful.

Everyone else is untruthful.

Everyone else is dishonest.

Everyone else is selfish.

Everyone else is narcissistic.

Everyone else is judgmental.

You sound like a saint, and no one can claim that title – not even priests and nuns.

Stop leaving yourself out of the equation of every altercation, disagreement, or misunderstanding. It doesn’t matter whether you come before or after a given sign, you’re still apart of the equation.

You can add (+) value with accountability. This is the best way to get someone’s attention and reduce tension.

You can eliminate (-) negative energy or unnecessary chatter by not reacting or overreacting. The person is easier to reason with when calm. This is your opportunity to get to the root of the problem by asking specific questions. Oftentimes, silence alone can kill many arguments.

You can intensify (*) an argument by involving others, bringing up irrelevant information, jumping to conclusions, using a negative tone, attacking the person instead of the problem, and etc.

You can always divide (/) and conquer. Every action does not deserve a reaction, especially when it comes from total strangers. You must learn to walk away.

Continue your therapy sessions. I fully support your remedy for mental reconstruction and self improvement. But if you’re checking every box except accountability, then now is the time to start.

And remember…
“Make sense of what you do, and make every cent count.”

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Toxic Relationships in a Toxic World

I’m not sure why anyone would want to stay in a toxic relationship, but it has indeed become the norm for many couples. You can judge by the featured photo how draining it can be. I guess the toxins of the earth is spilling over into relationships and contaminating good soil🤷🏽‍♀️. Regardless of the reason, it is unhealthy because high levels of toxicity can be damaging to your mind, body, and spirit.

Men and women alike enter one toxic relationship after another and often wonder why they never work out. If your doctor told you a particular food ingredient was threatening your life, would you continue to eat it? Unfortunately, evidence in the health and relationship realm proves that many have continued with their bad habits.

You can choose your battles in relationships or just let things be, but when the relationship itself is a daily battle, then it’s considered toxic. According to verywellmind, “a toxic relationship is one that makes you feel unsupported, misunderstood, demeaned, or attacked.” Please be mindful that toxic relationships are not limited to dating partners. As mentioned in previous blogs, it can exist within friendships and other alliances. However, I am going to focus on dating partners.

Let’s break down the meaning of a toxic relationship by defining its strong points. Whether it’s abuse, gaslighting, narcissism, selfishness, jealousy, or insecurity, each one falls under one of the four categories below.

Unsupported

Support is bigger than backing your decision to go back to school or start a business. Your partner must be willing to sacrifice time and endure emotional stress. Avoid applying pressure. Adapt to the changes, and pitch in where he or she can. Allow time for self care, and put some requests on hold.

A person can feel unsupported in many other aspects of life, such as with raising kids, budgeting and saving, planning and decision-making, resolving problems, defending one’s character, or simply standing up for that person when he or she feels attacked by family members or peers.

Failing to act or acting dishonorably can make one feel unsupported. If he’s jealous, he’s unsupportive. If she’s insecure, she’s unsupportive. If you are selfish, you are unsupportive. As you can see, the concept of being unsupportive has so many levels to it. A healthy relationship has no place for the latter.

Misunderstood

Gaslighting is a perfect way of making one feel misunderstood. Conversations and messages get misconstrued and twisted, causing self doubt. Narcissists are good at gaslighting. They are arrogant manipulators who don’t like to be wrong and often play the victim. They like to deflect and make you look like the fool or idiot, if you try to challenge or correct them.

It’s possible to feel misunderstood in any relationship, depending on the circumstances. However, if you’re left feeling misunderstood often, then communication and understanding are definitely tainted in your relationship.

Demeaned

Any words not spoken out of love or support can be demeaning. If he says, “you’re nothing without him,” that’s demeaning. If she says, “you’ll never get the promotion because you’re not smart enough,” that’s demeaning. If you often feel insulted or put down by your partner, you are being demeaned in that relationship.

Attacked

Let’s be clear. Correction is not a form of attack. You must be willing to accept constructive criticism in a healthy relationship. It is when correction is combined with aggression that makes it an attack. Nevertheless, an attack does not have to involve correction. It can verbal or physical abuse. Relationships of that sort present high enough levels of toxicity to be considered dangerous.

Toxic behavior can be treated, but the individual must be willing to undergo treatment and apply the necessary changes. If you are the partner, you must be patient and supportive. I believe any relationship can be saved, but not every relationship is worth it.

Your decision to stay in a toxic relationship is your choice, but your happiness depends on it.

And remember…
“Make sense of what you do, and make every cent count.”

Photo: Flickr. How Your Relationship Becomes Toxic by Lyle Evans

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A Message to My Followers

I’m taking a break this week because I’ve been inundated with preparing my youngest child for his high school graduation. It’s been a challenging journey, but I’m glad we’ve made it to the finish line.

I’d like to thank each of you from reading and engaging with my blogs. Your attention to my content is much appreciated. I hope I’ve helped you to overcome some obstacles in your life and become a better person, while keeping you entertained as well.

Reflection

I want you to remember the lessons discussed in the previous weeks and apply them to your life, so I will provide a brief recap of a few of the hot topics.

Don’t Limit Yourself with your tongue, bad habits, distractions, and by making excuses. You don’t have to be a giant to reach for the stars. You just need faith, willpower, and commitment.

Don’t Lose Yourself Trying to Find Yourself. Seek help from a professional and comfort and support from trusted family members and friends. Otherwise, your coping mechanism will become a lifestyle that can destroy you.

Learn To Be Happy In That Moment or live with grief and regret. Practice changing your thoughts and making yourself happy. Doses of happiness can lead to a lifetime of joy and peace.

A Real Friend Is Good To Have when you find yourself losing yourself trying to cope with any type of grief. Don’t be afraid to let someone in. Emotional exhaustion is a “human” experience.

Fake Friends Can Be A Real Problem because they are toxic, and toxins are known to destroy the body. A fake friend is nothing more than a parasite eating away at your life. If you value your mind, body, and spirit, detoxify your circle immediately.

Self Correction Is The Best Remedy For Change because no one can control your demons but you. Rebuke the evil spirit that lives within you so you can become a better version of yourself.

Your Best Look Is Maturity because ignorance is not fashionable. Like it or not, you are judged by how you react, not what you react to.

Kill Them With Confidence because your self-worth, dignity, reputation, and peace hold more value than someone’s worthless opinion.

And remember…
“Make sense of what you do, and make every cent count.”