Peace – Life Lessons

Mental Disability or Accountability?

A therapist can give you a clinical diagnosis of your behavior or feelings and strategies for overcoming them. But, let’s face it. Everyone is not battling with mental health issues. Some people are battling with morality issues. Others are weaponizing their mental disabilities.

Regular therapy sessions are meant to help you cope with your mental condition, not weaponize it. Thus, there’s no excuse for your abuse to others. Take full responsibility and accountability for your actions.

Every time you make a bad decision, you can’t keep blaming it on your mental state. You choose to deflect instead of accept the fact that you were wrong. I’m sure your therapist told you to take some responsibility and how to appropriately address the situation so you can heal. That’s their job. Your job is to listen and apply what you’ve learned.

Too many people in the world are gaslighting instead of igniting their inner strength to change their behavior. Regardless of your mental state, you need to learn to accept accountability for how you treat people.

No disorder should prevent you from acknowledging your role in any given situation or simply apologizing for your actions. If therapy and medication are not helping you with accountability, then you need prayer and supplication as well. Then you’ll have the trinity: spirit, therapy, and medication.

Nowadays, every behavioral trait has a clinical name. We’re putting more faith in what experts have to say instead of what God has been saying. No one can transform you but Him. Spiritual research reveals:

You can’t always have your way.

You can’t keep lying to people.

You can’t keep playing the victim.

You can’t always have the last word.

You can’t always be right.

You can’t always be first.

You can’t keep starting fights, yet expect to have a peaceful life.

Your disorder comes from thinking:

Everyone else is toxic.

Everyone else is disloyal.

Everyone else is untrustworthy.

Everyone else is unfaithful.

Everyone else is untruthful.

Everyone else is dishonest.

Everyone else is selfish.

Everyone else is narcissistic.

Everyone else is judgmental.

You sound like a saint, and no one can claim that title – not even priests and nuns.

Stop leaving yourself out of the equation of every altercation, disagreement, or misunderstanding. It doesn’t matter whether you come before or after a given sign, you’re still apart of the equation.

You can add (+) value with accountability. This is the best way to get someone’s attention and reduce tension.

You can eliminate (-) negative energy or unnecessary chatter by not reacting or overreacting. The person is easier to reason with when calm. This is your opportunity to get to the root of the problem by asking specific questions. Oftentimes, silence alone can kill many arguments.

You can intensify (*) an argument by involving others, bringing up irrelevant information, jumping to conclusions, using a negative tone, attacking the person instead of the problem, and etc.

You can always divide (/) and conquer. Every action does not deserve a reaction, especially when it comes from total strangers. You must learn to walk away.

Continue your therapy sessions. I fully support your remedy for mental reconstruction and self improvement. But if you’re checking every box except accountability, then now is the time to start.

And remember…
“Make sense of what you do, and make every cent count.”

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Pray Before You Play

With all that’s going on in the world today, I feel the need to get spiritual. Too many innocent lives have been taken by evil spirits and demonic possessions. If you do not believe in a God, then this message is not for you.

We can talk about therapy, gun control, politics, and laws, but the number one remedy is prayer – something this country has shunned. The only time that word is even mentioned is after a mass shooting, terrorist attack, hate crime, or natural disaster. Little to nothing is done about it, and the cycle repeats itself.

I don’t believe there is a viable solution to all this mayhem in the world because we can’t erase evil. It was here before us and will be here when we transition. However, we can and should pray before we start and end our day.

Every time you walk out your door, you enter the devil’s playground. You’re anticipating a good day, and he’s planning a way to ruin or possibly end it. Just look around you. Even if you live under a rock, you can’t help but notice what’s going on in society.

Without God in your heart, it’s not safe to be anywhere anymore, including church. You need to pray on your way to work or school. You need to pray before taking that family vacation or beach trip. You need to pray on your way to visit that friend or relative, and you should ask for prayer as well. You should make it a habit of praying everywhere you go, and if you’re with a group, get them involved and pray together.

You don’t have to live in fear, but you must wear proper PPE (Personal Prayer Equipment) daily when going to war with the enemy. Yes, you are at war with the enemy every time you open your eyes to a new day. There’s always an accident or some violent attack trying to claim your life. If you’re Black, police brutality is trying to claim it as well. However, persistent prayer just might save your life.

I cannot stress enough how important it is for you to pray every day, all day. The enemy is not your friend. He wants to see you fail and fall so that you can doubt God. He wants to steal all your joy and cause you great pain, but you can combat his evil tactics with prayer. Pray when everything is alright and when things are not alright. Pray when the trip or event was a success and when it didn’t go so well.

Always be encouraged to get the most out of life because it is just too short. If you can’t live your best life, then live your blessed life enjoying the priceless gifts from God, such as family, friends, love, and laughter.

Have fun and be safe, but don’t forget to pray.

And remember…
“Make sense of what you do, and make every cent count.”

Photo: Flickr. Pray by The Fever Head

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Protect Your Good Heart

You should show love to everyone who crosses your path, but be careful with whom you show care to. I’m not saying not to care at all. Just minimize it when it comes to strangers and those you are not well acquainted with. People will take your kindness for granted and bruise your heart with their selfish motives.

My Experience

At one time, I was an easy target to get over on. All you had to do was feed me a sad story, and I would figure out a way to help. I wasn’t a random selection. People sense when you are benevolent, especially when you showcase your noble character consistently. You may not seem likely to say no, and if this is so, then you must learn to.

I once received a direct message out of the blue from a former colleague. We were never friends, other than on social media, but we supported each other. She sold clothes. I sold books. The exchange was friendly and much appreciated on each end. I even went the extra mile and shared her new releases on social media often because I was inspired by her hustle. So when things started to get rough around the edges, I guess she figured I wouldn’t mind helping her out.

She pitched me this sad story about being stranded on the side of the road because of a mechanical breakdown. She claimed she had rolled over something and needed to pay for a part. She caught me at a busy time at work, so I didn’t get the full details and let the whole story digest. Otherwise, I would have asked, “Don’t you need the car towed to get the part installed?”

I didn’t bother about the details because I thought I was helping out a “seemingly” good person. She would always post her charity work and other acts of benevolence. Besides, the transaction was supposed to be a loan, not a grant. She had also claimed that she only needed my funds because hers was not accessible for some reason. Therefore, I was supposed to be getting my money back that same day. Needless to say, that never happened.

Long story short, she led me on for about a month before I realized she was never going to pay me back. She played so many games and told so many lies until I was convinced that she was a certified con artist and lunatic. By that time, I was so furious, my last text message to her was sharp enough to cut through steel. One of my friends, who was well acquainted with the perpetrator, said I went too hard because she was not mentally stable. However, she was stable and functional enough to plot and scheme. Therefore, I was unapologetic, especially after learning that she had asked several others for the same amount, using the same excuse. She had the board game mapped out. I was only one of her players.

We must stop playing the mental card every time someone commits a crime. Some people are mentally ill, whereas some are cunning, treacherous, or pure evil. Either way, no one is exempt from punishment.

Please understand that I am very aware and sensitive to mental health issues, for I have family members suffering with mental illness. I recently lost a brother-in-law who suffered with bipolar disorder and paranoia. But there is a significant difference between a con artist and one who’s bipolar, paranoid, or schizophrenic.

Their Problem is Not Your Problem

Help whomever you can whenever you can, but do not make his or her problem your problem. It’s not selfishness. It’s called protecting your peace. You cannot help everyone. You cannot save everyone. It’s not even your duty to do so because you are not God. Saying no is a way of practicing self-care, not selfishness. Even spiritual leaders turn down some assignments. Your inability or unwillingness to help someone will not reduce your character or shorten your blessings. God knows your heart.

Nevertheless, if you watch someone fall or suffer when you could have been a blessing, your heart has become contaminated. Use your gift of discernment when helping others, but don’t ever ignore your call of duty. Obedience has no limits.

Don’t Lend, Just Give

I learned that it is better to just give instead of lend. It removes the element of anger or disappointment when that person cannot or will not pay you back. You’ll also feel more like a blessing than a bank when doing so. Either give your due tithe/offering or an amount that will not hurt your pockets. However, if you already have a good lending relationship with some people, there’s no need to change the terms now. Still, don’t lend an amount you may miss because the borrower’s promise to pay back can always be compromised by some unforeseen event or extenuating circumstance. That’s why professional lenders require collateral.

I’ve been a borrower, lender, and giver. The latter has always felt better because borrowers have to beg and lenders risk losing, but givers receive the priceless gift of peace, amongst other things. Giving a provides a kind of peace that removes the anxiety from borrowing and pressure from lending. Try it!

The Lessons

In the case of the con artist, I made peace with the situation and accepted the loss a long time ago. Anger only adds to stress and steals your joy. Thus, I have forgiven her wholeheartedly. The lessons learned from that instance is to never let someone else’s problem create an urgency on your part, if that person is not in your circle of love, and always be prepared to give what God has placed on your heart. Nonetheless, if ever you are uncertain, especially with all the scams nowadays, always pray for guidance first.

Have a heart, but be smart.

And remember…
“Make sense of what you do, and make every cent count.”

Photo: Flickr. Heart by Evelien Noens

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