Relationships – Life Lessons

Lifetime Friendship

Does it even exist anymore? I expect to see breakups among intimate partners, but I have never seen so many long term friendships become terminal. My mom still keeps in contact with friends from childhood and so do I. Love, loyalty, and longevity are our key ingredients.

I can tell from social media posts that many friendships don’t have that anymore. Maybe the dynamics of friendship have changed. Or, maybe people have changed. Let’s discuss…

What is Lifetime Friendship?

My definition of a lifetime friendship is one in which the bond created between two friends is never broken by change or challenges, yet strengthened with love and communication. Simple as that. There are no clauses or contingencies. Either you are a loyal friend or not.

An individual can become your lifetime friend at any point in your life, not just childhood. Three of my lifetime friends did not enter my life until I was 20 years old. We connected from day one and have not lost contact since. We’ve been friends for a long time and will continue the friendship no matter what.

I’ve been there for them, and they have been there for me. But you know something? We never talked and texted daily after we stopped working together. There were also extended periods where we hadn’t spoken, minus holidays and birthdays. When social media became a thing, it replaced many of our phone conversations.

Nevertheless, I never had to wonder if they were still my friends. I never felt any distance because they had a special place in my heart. When it did get to a point where we hadn’t spoken in a while, then one of us would break the ice and reach out.

Whenever we reconnected, we simply picked up where we left off. That same joy, laughter, and cheer sparked in every conversation. We’d talk about how much we love and miss each other without expressing any resentment. Good vibes only.

Is True friendship the same as Lifetime Friendship?

No. A true friendship is one in which loyalty is exhibited, but it may only be seasonal. Lifetime friendship is a type of true friendship. Unlike seasonal friendship, it does not have an expiration date.

I have been in quite a few true friendships that were only seasonal, lasting only for the duration in which went to school or worked together. However, we never argued or fell out. We just lost contact a few years after attending school or work together, and the connection just somehow weakened, or we grew apart.

If you ever need to question a friendship, then it probably isn’t real. You must sense jealousy, envy, hate or discord. At that point, you should reach out to your friend by phone or a meetup, if you do not believe the tone of your message will be received properly.

Rare but Valuable

Lifetime friends will respect your boundaries and distance without ever losing love for you.

They accept your flaws and all.

They love you endlessly and fight your battles with you.

They give sound advice and never gossip about you.

They are not perfect, but they are accountable and will hold you accountable.

They treat you the same as other lifetime friends, regardless of when you came into their lives.

They are always just a phone call or text message away whenever you need them, even if they hadn’t heard from you in a while.

Consequently, that type of friend is hard to find nowadays. The one who engages with you the most on social media is not your lifetime friend or even true friend. He or she is only a follower. Know the difference.

And remember…
“Make sense of what you do, and make every cent count.”

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Let’s Talk About Loyalty

Loyalty is often discussed but seldom practiced among some people. Possible reasons it isn’t practiced are because people don’t understand its true meaning or how to fit into their lifestyle. Would you expect loyalty from an unreliable, untrustworthy, or unstable person? However, the main reason could be the belief that the other person doesn’t deserve it.

How do you define loyalty?

Think about it for a few seconds or as long as it takes. Then ask yourself, “Do I practice loyalty”? If your answer is no, then you shouldn’t expect it in return. Loyalty is not all about reciprocity, but it is an important component of it.

In terms of relationships, Merriam-Webster defines the word loyal as “unswerving in allegiance to a person whom faithfulness is due”.

Google describes loyal as “giving or showing firm and constant support or allegiance to a person or institution”.

I like both definitions, but I can resonate with Merriam-Webster more. It says to me that as long as we have this allegiance to each other, I will fulfill all my duties and responsibilities, regardless of how I feel. In other words, if we have a verbal disagreement or you didn’t like my Facebook post, it should not create distance or a change of heart. I will still show up to your event as if nothing ever happened.

In fact, if you were offended by my social media post in any way, though that was not my intent, I deserve a phone call or private message, not a thumb battle that could escalate and deter our friendship.

I can only imagine how many friendships were destroyed by social media alone.

Google’s definition can mean the same thing, but one wrong move will end the relationship and all ties to it. In other words, we have an alliance, but I’m not your friend. So many people fit into this category. That’s why so many people are confused about the status quo of their relationships.

I don’t think this type of loyalty is bad as long as the two of you are aware of the kind of relationship you have, so you won’t expect anything more or less. The confusion comes from thinking that everyone who is loyal to you is also your true friend.

You can very well be a loyal person and not a true friend, but you can’t be a true friend who is disloyal. Case and point: You can have the best rapport with your barber or beautician you frequent, but there are boundaries because you’re still a customer. The energy can switch from positive to negative quickly if you don’t pay up or he messes up your lining. Now you’re searching for a new barber, and your barber lost a loyal customer for making one mistake. Or perhaps, it wasn’t the first time 😲.

Which one do you identify with most?

Reciprocal loyalty or definitive loyalty? Reciprocal loyalty can fall under the one in which Google describes. For example, I will continually patronize your business as long as you’re providing quality products or services at competitive prices.

Sometimes the exchange is simply how that person makes you feel. For example, I will continually donate to my classmate’s fundraiser or charity because she’s a good person, and I like what she stands for.

Definitive loyalty can be one in which Merriam-Webster describes. For example, I will love you unconditionally and forgive you as often as needed. One misunderstanding will not change how I feel about you. We will settle our differences like adults and remain friends.

A true friend or partner exhibits this type of love, loyalty, and commitment. She enjoys being around you and will do anything for you. You can still count on her even though you haven’t spoken in six months. In any real friendship, this is what the person wants.

Choose wisely

Relatives are not true friends by default. Oftentimes, friends are more loyal and trustworthy. I am a living witness 🙋🏽‍♀️. You may not always be able to avoid seeing your relatives, but you can most certainly avoid getting burned by them.

I don’t discourage giving them a chance or trying to get along. But don’t expect them to be loyal to you just because you are family.

Treat everyone accordingly, but set boundaries as necessary. Most importantly, be the kind of loyalty you desire to attract.

And remember…
“Make sense of what you do, and make every cent count.”

I’d love to hear your thoughts on this topic.

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Make Time for Your Family & Friends

We all have an expiration date, and no one can tell you when it is. Doesn’t milk sometimes spoil before its expiration date? So why do we think we have so much time? I don’t say this to evoke fear. You may be one of the lucky ones who live to see 100, but your friends and family members may not be so lucky.

I’ve been to more funerals in my 44 years of living than I could’ve ever imagined. The daunting part is how many were for young people under 50. The youngest I’ve seen laid to rest was only 11 years old when I was only 10 years old. His death was so horrific that it gave me nightmares.

You shouldn’t try to put a time stamp on anyone’s life, but it does make sense to pay frequent visits to someone on hospice or bedridden, as opposed to someone who is healthy. Nevertheless, you shouldn’t wait until the person becomes bedridden to pay a visit.

If you’re a busy person with a big family and lots of friends like myself, you must make appointments and plan trips or social gatherings. Lately, I’ve been setting appointments with my friends and haven’t broken any so far. Use your smartphone and add it to your calendar, as you would any other event deemed important.

Make appointments 📆

If you’re a social person, invite a friend as your plus one to some party or event. Why go alone? As you can see, sometimes opportunities will present themselves. That could be the last memory you create with that person.

If you have a group of friends, plan a day for biking, bowling, golfing, wine tasting, painting, or a small gathering at your home or there’s. These are just a few examples, but there’s so much more you can do as a group.

Family matters most 👨‍👩‍👧‍👦

Family members should see each other often, if living locally. Turn some of that talking and texting into a meet up. Before there was FaceTime or Duo, you had to pull up. FaceTime and Duo are great, but there’s nothing more beautiful than having physical contact with the ones you love.

When my daughter accepted her first travel nurse assignment, I knew I would miss her. Though she moved out a few years ago, she was only 60 miles away as opposed to being 600 miles away. Every time she would visit, it felt like Christmas. I was opening a new gift of joy and happiness.

That’s the same feeling I get when I see any of my kids who have left the nest, if I hadn’t seen them in a while. But with my daughter, it was different because she was so far away in an unfamiliar town with no family members nearby.

Whenever you see any of your loved ones, you should greet them and treat them like it’s the last time you’ll see them. Don’t take any of the time you spend together for granted because tomorrow is never promised to any of us.

Marriage doesn’t make you exempt 🚫

Married people, I know it can be difficult to divide your time, especially if you have kids or any other full-time commitment. But it’s not impossible.

If both of you have kids, invite them over for a play date and let them jump on that trampoline or partake in some game time together while you get caught up on your busy lives over some wine and refreshments.

If you don’t have any kids, have an adult play date right at your house. You don’t always have to go to some venue. Tidy up your home, and invite your friends and family members over. If you love them like you say you do, then you would invite them to your home, be it a house, condo, apartment, or mobile home.

I miss living close to family for that reason. There was always something going on at my house, especially with so many birthdays in the family and holidays, of course. But most visits were unexpected or unplanned house visits. Those were the best! We didn’t have an agenda. Oftentimes, we just sat around laughing and talking.

What happened to people? Has all this technology made you lazy? Are your jobs more important than your loved ones? This does not apply to everyone. Technology is a great way to keep in touch with your loved ones from a distance. I’m talking to the ones who are not distant and can make time to see each other as often as possible. You determine the frequency of your visits, but it should not be years, even if you are 600 miles away.

Stop making excuses 🙅🏽‍♀️

Money or time should not be an excuse to create more memories with the ones you love. Therefore, when God calls them home, you’ll have peace knowing that you shared a significant part of their lives and brought them nothing but joy. Grief is more painful when there’s guilt or regret.

And remember…
“Make sense of what you do, and make every cent count.”

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