Friendship – Life Lessons

Stand On Business, Not Bitterness

People will walk all over you, if you let them. I know from experience. I was once a revolving door, but now I require an access card. I used to reward people without making them work for it. But that’s unfair. You don’t deserve a badge of honor for messing over good people. It’s not about reciprocity. It’s about respect.

If it’s easy for someone to exit a relationship, then they were only one foot in. An alliance with you shouldn’t be an escape room experience, but it should earn one some points. When you’re scoring high on many charts in life, including integrity, honesty, and loyalty, your character is worth a lot. Why wouldn’t you value a relationship that has free benefits and longevity? Jobs can’t even guarantee that anymore.

Don’t just play games, Win them

Relationships are important – even corporations understand that. People do business with people they trust. In this world, trust goes a long way. It can get you access to other important people, money, jobs, loans, and so much more. Only fools fumble good people, which causes them to lose points. And if you haven’t realized it by now, life is like a game of chess. One wrong move can set you back.

You don’t win a game by losing points. And of course, every loss isn’t a loss. However, you should be careful and avoid burning bridges with people who have never done you any wrong. They are a gift from God. Take a look around you and assess all the relationships that dissolved because of misunderstandings, gossip, jealousy, or envy.

Don’t let any of the aforementioned block your blessings. God blesses through people, not popular opinions or feelings. If a friend or family member of yours is doing better than you, then you need to take lessons and move in closer, not farther apart. Information is sometimes hidden or unavailable to common folk, but your friend or family member may have access.

Don’t go back and forth, Deny Access

If you can see the value in yourself, then so should they. People who don’t have the decency to apologize and take accountability for their actions should be taught a lesson. Stop letting people just resurface without an explanation or apology. Yes, they do owe you that if you’ve been nothing but loyal and kind. Forgiveness does not mean reconnect and forget. It erases resentment so you can have peace.

Protect your peace by denying them access to you. You can still be cordial, but you need to stand on business. Otherwise, they will treat you like a revolving door because you have no boundaries. Hold these people accountable by letting them know where they went wrong with you, if you decide to let them back in. But always remember, a zebra cannot change its stripes, and wolves can come in sheep’s clothing.

Always use discernment when dealing with people who have failed the morality test. Deduct history, length of time, and relationship because they will cloud your judgement.

Life is too short to be wasting your good energy and time with ungrateful people.

“To know me is a gift. To receive my love is a blessing. To cross me is a warning. To lose me is a lesson.”

-Bianca A. McCormick-Johnson ✍🏽

Check out my books in the links below:

I’m G.O.O.D. – Volume One

https://store.bookbaby.com/book/im-good

https://a.wco/d/dDLzPDo

I’m Still G.O.O.D. – Volume Two

https://store.bookbaby.com/book/im-still-good1

https://a.sco/d/8t5nx9m

Surround Yourself With Love

In a world full of hate, you must surround yourself with love. People who genuinely love you will never make you question the relationship. They will stand with you in pain and defend you in private or public, but they will also tell you when you’re wrong because they love you. You may see them or talk to them every day, but they’re always just one call away. These types of people create healthy environments, but they may not always include your family members.

Identify your circle of love

You should know who really loves you. If not, now is a good time to find out. If you’re not sure of how, call them up and tell them you want to see them. If they don’t sound a bit excited, they care nothing about seeing you and clearly don’t love you, unless there is some reasonable explanation for their reaction.

I only interact with people who are delighted to see me. Their energy tells me everything I need to know. When I visit my family and friends, their smile is big enough to light the room. If I don’t feel positive energy when I enter a room, I won’t feel welcome and will keep my distance.

Prioritize the relationship

Good people should never be placed on the back burner. However, some people have a habit of hanging around people who don’t love them. That’s how important acceptance is to people. So many people have told me they don’t have many friends but keep an entourage everywhere they go. I understand the concept of keeping your enemies closer, but if you’re always surrounded by negative energy, how do you expect to have a positive outlook on life?

Instead of hanging out with your enemies, pray for them instead. You need to be as closest to people who value you, appreciate you, love you, and care about you. Those are the ones who will show up for you, listen to you, make you feel special, and remember you. Your name will always be at the top of their guest list.

Pray for them

Whenever someone asks you to intercede in prayer, you should. Prayer is more powerful than anything else you can give. Plus, it only takes seconds! However, it’s those prayers that people don’t ask for that are more meaningful.

If I tell you I lost my job, I shouldn’t have to ask you to pray for me. If I tell you I’m ill, I shouldn’t have to ask. If I tell you I just haven’t been myself lately, I shouldn’t have to ask. No matter what the situation is, if you are made aware, I shouldn’t have to ask you for prayer.

Speaking of prayer, when people you love announce their loss, pain, or hardship on social media, don’t just throw prayer hands up without words of encouragement. Better yet, take the time to type a short prayer or send a private message. The phone always works too.

Sometimes God meets your needs through the people he places in your life. Take a few minutes to think about all the times someone from your circle of love has helped you, even if it was just emotional support or prayers.

“Your safe space of grace should consist of people who love you. They are anointed by God to give you immediate access to his blessings.”

-Bianca A. McCormick-Johnson ✍🏽

Let’s Talk About Loyalty

Loyalty is often discussed but seldom practiced among some people. Possible reasons it isn’t practiced are because people don’t understand its true meaning or how to fit into their lifestyle. Would you expect loyalty from an unreliable, untrustworthy, or unstable person? However, the main reason could be the belief that the other person doesn’t deserve it.

How do you define loyalty?

Think about it for a few seconds or as long as it takes. Then ask yourself, “Do I practice loyalty”? If your answer is no, then you shouldn’t expect it in return. Loyalty is not all about reciprocity, but it is an important component of it.

In terms of relationships, Merriam-Webster defines the word loyal as “unswerving in allegiance to a person whom faithfulness is due”.

Google describes loyal as “giving or showing firm and constant support or allegiance to a person or institution”.

I like both definitions, but I can resonate with Merriam-Webster more. It says to me that as long as we have this allegiance to each other, I will fulfill all my duties and responsibilities, regardless of how I feel. In other words, if we have a verbal disagreement or you didn’t like my Facebook post, it should not create distance or a change of heart. I will still show up to your event as if nothing ever happened.

In fact, if you were offended by my social media post in any way, though that was not my intent, I deserve a phone call or private message, not a thumb battle that could escalate and deter our friendship.

I can only imagine how many friendships were destroyed by social media alone.

Google’s definition can mean the same thing, but one wrong move will end the relationship and all ties to it. In other words, we have an alliance, but I’m not your friend. So many people fit into this category. That’s why so many people are confused about the status quo of their relationships.

I don’t think this type of loyalty is bad as long as the two of you are aware of the kind of relationship you have, so you won’t expect anything more or less. The confusion comes from thinking that everyone who is loyal to you is also your true friend.

You can very well be a loyal person and not a true friend, but you can’t be a true friend who is disloyal. Case and point: You can have the best rapport with your barber or beautician you frequent, but there are boundaries because you’re still a customer. The energy can switch from positive to negative quickly if you don’t pay up or he messes up your lining. Now you’re searching for a new barber, and your barber lost a loyal customer for making one mistake. Or perhaps, it wasn’t the first time 😲.

Which one do you identify with most?

Reciprocal loyalty or definitive loyalty? Reciprocal loyalty can fall under the one in which Google describes. For example, I will continually patronize your business as long as you’re providing quality products or services at competitive prices.

Sometimes the exchange is simply how that person makes you feel. For example, I will continually donate to my classmate’s fundraiser or charity because she’s a good person, and I like what she stands for.

Definitive loyalty can be one in which Merriam-Webster describes. For example, I will love you unconditionally and forgive you as often as needed. One misunderstanding will not change how I feel about you. We will settle our differences like adults and remain friends.

A true friend or partner exhibits this type of love, loyalty, and commitment. She enjoys being around you and will do anything for you. You can still count on her even though you haven’t spoken in six months. In any real friendship, this is what the person wants.

Choose wisely

Relatives are not true friends by default. Oftentimes, friends are more loyal and trustworthy. I am a living witness 🙋🏽‍♀️. You may not always be able to avoid seeing your relatives, but you can most certainly avoid getting burned by them.

I don’t discourage giving them a chance or trying to get along. But don’t expect them to be loyal to you just because you are family.

Treat everyone accordingly, but set boundaries as necessary. Most importantly, be the kind of loyalty you desire to attract.

And remember…
“Make sense of what you do, and make every cent count.”

I’d love to hear your thoughts on this topic.

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