July 2022 – Life Lessons

I’m not sure why anyone would want to stay in a toxic relationship, but it has indeed become the norm for many couples. You can judge by the featured photo how draining it can be. I guess the toxins of the earth is spilling over into relationships and contaminating good soil🤷🏽‍♀️. Regardless of the reason, it is unhealthy because high levels of toxicity can be damaging to your mind, body, and spirit.

Men and women alike enter one toxic relationship after another and often wonder why they never work out. If your doctor told you a particular food ingredient was threatening your life, would you continue to eat it? Unfortunately, evidence in the health and relationship realm proves that many have continued with their bad habits.

You can choose your battles in relationships or just let things be, but when the relationship itself is a daily battle, then it’s considered toxic. According to verywellmind, “a toxic relationship is one that makes you feel unsupported, misunderstood, demeaned, or attacked.” Please be mindful that toxic relationships are not limited to dating partners. As mentioned in previous blogs, it can exist within friendships and other alliances. However, I am going to focus on dating partners.

Let’s break down the meaning of a toxic relationship by defining its strong points. Whether it’s abuse, gaslighting, narcissism, selfishness, jealousy, or insecurity, each one falls under one of the four categories below.

Unsupported

Support is bigger than backing your decision to go back to school or start a business. Your partner must be willing to sacrifice time and endure emotional stress. Avoid applying pressure. Adapt to the changes, and pitch in where he or she can. Allow time for self care, and put some requests on hold.

A person can feel unsupported in many other aspects of life, such as with raising kids, budgeting and saving, planning and decision-making, resolving problems, defending one’s character, or simply standing up for that person when he or she feels attacked by family members or peers.

Failing to act or acting dishonorably can make one feel unsupported. If he’s jealous, he’s unsupportive. If she’s insecure, she’s unsupportive. If you are selfish, you are unsupportive. As you can see, the concept of being unsupportive has so many levels to it. A healthy relationship has no place for the latter.

Misunderstood

Gaslighting is a perfect way of making one feel misunderstood. Conversations and messages get misconstrued and twisted, causing self doubt. Narcissists are good at gaslighting. They are arrogant manipulators who don’t like to be wrong and often play the victim. They like to deflect and make you look like the fool or idiot, if you try to challenge or correct them.

It’s possible to feel misunderstood in any relationship, depending on the circumstances. However, if you’re left feeling misunderstood often, then communication and understanding are definitely tainted in your relationship.

Demeaned

Any words not spoken out of love or support can be demeaning. If he says, “you’re nothing without him,” that’s demeaning. If she says, “you’ll never get the promotion because you’re not smart enough,” that’s demeaning. If you often feel insulted or put down by your partner, you are being demeaned in that relationship.

Attacked

Let’s be clear. Correction is not a form of attack. You must be willing to accept constructive criticism in a healthy relationship. It is when correction is combined with aggression that makes it an attack. Nevertheless, an attack does not have to involve correction. It can verbal or physical abuse. Relationships of that sort present high enough levels of toxicity to be considered dangerous.

Toxic behavior can be treated, but the individual must be willing to undergo treatment and apply the necessary changes. If you are the partner, you must be patient and supportive. I believe any relationship can be saved, but not every relationship is worth it.

Your decision to stay in a toxic relationship is your choice, but your happiness depends on it.

And remember…
“Make sense of what you do, and make every cent count.”

Photo: Flickr. How Your Relationship Becomes Toxic by Lyle Evans

Something captured your interest? Don’t be selfish. Share with your friends!

I get it…Facebook asks you, “What’s on your mind?” Twitter asks you, “What’s happening? Instagram pretty much says, “Do you.” But do you have to?

Think of it like this. If you wouldn’t say or do it in public, then don’t say or do it on social media because it’s the same as doing it in public – only much worse. At least in public, only a group of people might witness your behavior, unless of course, someone records you. But when you take the liberty to post it on social media, you’ve been exposed to the whole world.

You can’t control other people’s actions, especially in a society where people seek an opportunity to catch someone off guard or in rare form for views, reactions, and shares. But you can control your own behavior, on and off of social media.

What’s your purpose?

Behind every post, there is a motive, whether it’s to share information, promote a product or service, get a reaction, seek advice or recommendations; for empathy, sympathy, entertainment, attention, and etc. However, you must understand that anything posted publicly welcomes comments – some you may like or dislike. Depending on how deep it is, it might go viral and trigger unfriendly memes.

You are not exempt from judgment in the cyber world. Trolls and bullies are standing by to disrupt your spirit. You thought it was safe to vent in your TikTok video or Facebook Live until the trolls gave you a rude awakening the next morning. Now you’re the poster child of an unfit mother or dead beat dad, savage single lady, or misogynistic male.

What you may have meant for entertainment might place you under attack, so beware. You do have every right to exercise Amendment #1 and post or upload content to your taste, but if you are a sensitive person, you should moderate your content and consider not posting it at all, especially if it’s personal.

Trolling and bullying are not cool, but some people live for this. If the site you’re posting on does not deem a person’s comment offensive, then you must train yourself to unsee it or be strong enough to just take. Or, you could spend countless hours debating and trying to defend yourself. If you have the time and energy, then go for it. But please leave your feelings on the bench because the trolls and bullies will show no mercy on the field.

Don’t take it personal, It’s virtual

Now that the trolls have remixed your message or content, you have two choices: you can either try to redeem yourself or just let it go. I suggest you just let it go because for one, it’s virtual. You can turn these people off at anytime by simply not logging on. It’s who you to let into your personal space that matters. For two, with so much going on in the world and new content being uploaded by the nanosecond, yours will soon be forgotten about. For three, people’s opinions do not define who you are. You do.

Words can hurt

Most people don’t post content to get a negative reaction, but that comes with it. You can try to pretend that the opinions of others don’t affect you, and it may not – until it hits that sensitive spot. We all have one. That’s what makes the whole ordeal unfair. People tend to attack you by bringing up points that have nothing to do with your argument. And that is when stuff starts to get personal.

You can combat all negative energy with positive content. Whether you believe it or not, your content says a lot about your character. If you don’t want to be judged by it, then don’t post it. It’s as confusing as a vegan posting a dish containing meat. You can’t promote eating clean with red meat on your plate. Do your cheating offline like everyone else😄.

We all have the freedom to do whatever we want to, so post whatever you’d like. Just be prepared for more than a “like”.

And remember…
“Make sense of what you do, and make every cent count.”

Photo: Flickr. Social Media Prob by Clyde Harris

Something captured your interest? Don’t be selfish. Share with your friends!

Month: July 2022

Toxic Relationships in a Toxic World

Social Media Has No Filter For Your Feelings