Social – Life Lessons

Don’t Hit Send Yet

Have you ever received a message that ruffled your feathers or made you a little uncomfortable? Think about how you responded versus how you should’ve responded. I’ve had my share of those messages in the past, and I failed the test each time up until 2019.

Oftentimes, it’s not necessarily what was said but how it was conveyed or who delivered it. Sometimes people get offended by one word or remark that triggered the negative reaction. Nothing else mentioned in the entire message mattered.

We are all sensitive to a set of triggers that can really get our blood boiling. Typical triggers can include the use of profanity or sexually explicit language, mentioning a loved one or painful past event, a negative tone, threats, and etc. What sets you off can be determined by many factors, but the good news is, there are ways to combat it.

Whenever or if ever you receive a disturbing text or direct message, never respond right away. Take these steps instead:

Breathe

Breathing exercises can immediately cease the need to react with haste. It helps to relieve the anger and balance your emotions, allowing you to rationalize instead of antagonizing the situation. Take as many deep breaths as necessary to release all the negative energy stirred up from that unsettling message.

Think

There’s a reason behind every message. Sometimes the message has nothing to do with the reason, or the reason doesn’t quite align with the message. In that case, there’s an underlying problem that may have nothing to do with you.

I once received a disturbing phone call from a mutual friend. I was totally caught off guard and clueless to what she was saying. There was never bad energy between us, so I knew something was off.

During the first conversation, I mostly listened to what she had to say to try to understand her point, only to learn that there was none. She took her anger and frustration out on me because of some personal issues she was dealing with in her life. I thought I was just an easy target, until learning that she was going off on everyone in her circle.

I must admit, the second conversation didn’t go so well. I ended up using profanity and hanging up on her. That one offensive line hurt her feelings deeply. Sadly, I wished I had gone harder. Don’t judge me. God wasn’t through with me yet. However, I thank God I didn’t let the devil use me because that poor woman is still lost until this day.

Whether the person is totally out of line or has a reasonable explanation, always think before you speak. It can help you quickly diffuse the situation and ease the pain.

Forgive

If you know anything about forgiveness, then you should know this is for you, not necessarily the other person. It really does create inner peace. Holding onto anger and grudges take too much power and control over you. Trust me. I know from experience.

You may never forget how that person treated you, but at least, you’ll have peace of mind, which is priceless. If you need God’s help with forgiveness, seek it. Ask him to show his face, listen to your thoughts, and heal your heart from the pain this person has caused. If you don’t think you can do it the same day in which the message was received, then don’t respond that day. Allow yourself time to reflect and heal, so you can forgive.

It’s also okay to let the person know you’ve forgiven him or her. She’s ready to go back and forth. But remember, it doesn’t become a fight until you step into the ring. You’d be surprised at how your mature reaction can quickly put out a fire, unless you’re dealing with an unstable person or one with mental health issues.

Respond

Now that you’re ready to respond, how will you? If you still want to curse this person out, then you’re not ready because you haven’t healed. Not sure how? You can always keep it short and sweet by saying something like, “None of this is true. I pray you get the answers you’re seeking.” “Your problem is not with me, but I’ll be praying for you.” “I’m sorry you feel this way, but this is totally unacceptable. I pray you get the help you need.” “I’m offended by your message. None of this makes sense. Nevertheless. I forgive you and pray that you get the help you deserve.” “No weapon formed against me shall prosper. I’ll be praying for you.” Or you can always just say, “I’ll be praying for you.”

Sometimes it may be necessary to call or meet up, depending on the relationship or circumstances. Texting can get really ugly because many people don’t know how to communicate that way effectively, leading to messages getting misconstrued.

“Whether the message came from a foe or friend, think before hitting send. When communication gets lost, conflict begins.”

-Bianca A. McCormick-Johnson ✍🏽

Surround Yourself With Love

In a world full of hate, you must surround yourself with love. People who genuinely love you will never make you question the relationship. They will stand with you in pain and defend you in private or public, but they will also tell you when you’re wrong because they love you. You may see them or talk to them every day, but they’re always just one call away. These types of people create healthy environments, but they may not always include your family members.

Identify your circle of love

You should know who really loves you. If not, now is a good time to find out. If you’re not sure of how, call them up and tell them you want to see them. If they don’t sound a bit excited, they care nothing about seeing you and clearly don’t love you, unless there is some reasonable explanation for their reaction.

I only interact with people who are delighted to see me. Their energy tells me everything I need to know. When I visit my family and friends, their smile is big enough to light the room. If I don’t feel positive energy when I enter a room, I won’t feel welcome and will keep my distance.

Prioritize the relationship

Good people should never be placed on the back burner. However, some people have a habit of hanging around people who don’t love them. That’s how important acceptance is to people. So many people have told me they don’t have many friends but keep an entourage everywhere they go. I understand the concept of keeping your enemies closer, but if you’re always surrounded by negative energy, how do you expect to have a positive outlook on life?

Instead of hanging out with your enemies, pray for them instead. You need to be as closest to people who value you, appreciate you, love you, and care about you. Those are the ones who will show up for you, listen to you, make you feel special, and remember you. Your name will always be at the top of their guest list.

Pray for them

Whenever someone asks you to intercede in prayer, you should. Prayer is more powerful than anything else you can give. Plus, it only takes seconds! However, it’s those prayers that people don’t ask for that are more meaningful.

If I tell you I lost my job, I shouldn’t have to ask you to pray for me. If I tell you I’m ill, I shouldn’t have to ask. If I tell you I just haven’t been myself lately, I shouldn’t have to ask. No matter what the situation is, if you are made aware, I shouldn’t have to ask you for prayer.

Speaking of prayer, when people you love announce their loss, pain, or hardship on social media, don’t just throw prayer hands up without words of encouragement. Better yet, take the time to type a short prayer or send a private message. The phone always works too.

Sometimes God meets your needs through the people he places in your life. Take a few minutes to think about all the times someone from your circle of love has helped you, even if it was just emotional support or prayers.

“Your safe space of grace should consist of people who love you. They are anointed by God to give you immediate access to his blessings.”

-Bianca A. McCormick-Johnson ✍🏽

Lifetime Friendship

Does it even exist anymore? I expect to see breakups among intimate partners, but I have never seen so many long term friendships become terminal. My mom still keeps in contact with friends from childhood and so do I. Love, loyalty, and longevity are our key ingredients.

I can tell from social media posts that many friendships don’t have that anymore. Maybe the dynamics of friendship have changed. Or, maybe people have changed. Let’s discuss…

What is Lifetime Friendship?

My definition of a lifetime friendship is one in which the bond created between two friends is never broken by change or challenges, yet strengthened with love and communication. Simple as that. There are no clauses or contingencies. Either you are a loyal friend or not.

An individual can become your lifetime friend at any point in your life, not just childhood. Three of my lifetime friends did not enter my life until I was 20 years old. We connected from day one and have not lost contact since. We’ve been friends for a long time and will continue the friendship no matter what.

I’ve been there for them, and they have been there for me. But you know something? We never talked and texted daily after we stopped working together. There were also extended periods where we hadn’t spoken, minus holidays and birthdays. When social media became a thing, it replaced many of our phone conversations.

Nevertheless, I never had to wonder if they were still my friends. I never felt any distance because they had a special place in my heart. When it did get to a point where we hadn’t spoken in a while, then one of us would break the ice and reach out.

Whenever we reconnected, we simply picked up where we left off. That same joy, laughter, and cheer sparked in every conversation. We’d talk about how much we love and miss each other without expressing any resentment. Good vibes only.

Is True friendship the same as Lifetime Friendship?

No. A true friendship is one in which loyalty is exhibited, but it may only be seasonal. Lifetime friendship is a type of true friendship. Unlike seasonal friendship, it does not have an expiration date.

I have been in quite a few true friendships that were only seasonal, lasting only for the duration in which went to school or worked together. However, we never argued or fell out. We just lost contact a few years after attending school or work together, and the connection just somehow weakened, or we grew apart.

If you ever need to question a friendship, then it probably isn’t real. You must sense jealousy, envy, hate or discord. At that point, you should reach out to your friend by phone or a meetup, if you do not believe the tone of your message will be received properly.

Rare but Valuable

Lifetime friends will respect your boundaries and distance without ever losing love for you.

They accept your flaws and all.

They love you endlessly and fight your battles with you.

They give sound advice and never gossip about you.

They are not perfect, but they are accountable and will hold you accountable.

They treat you the same as other lifetime friends, regardless of when you came into their lives.

They are always just a phone call or text message away whenever you need them, even if they hadn’t heard from you in a while.

Consequently, that type of friend is hard to find nowadays. The one who engages with you the most on social media is not your lifetime friend or even true friend. He or she is only a follower. Know the difference.

And remember…
“Make sense of what you do, and make every cent count.”

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