Tag: self help

Don’t Lose Yourself Trying to Find Yourself

Certain events in life can cause you to re-evaluate your state of being. It could be loss of a loved one, a bad break up or ugly divorce, or a toxic relationship, to name a few. However, if you are not careful on your journey to finding yourself, you can surely lose yourself.

So what does this even mean?

Your sanity is at stake as you try to adjust to your “new normal”. Therefore, you might choose bad habits to help you cope in the interim.

Unless you predicted the outcome of something, then it may come as a shock to you. But even if you saw it coming, like in the case of a bad break up, divorce, any type of heartbreak, and even some fatalities, that doesn’t mean you were mentally prepared for it. When it comes to death, most are never mentally prepared to deal with it.

People often try to act as if they are not affected by such, especially when it’s humiliating and embarrassing, but certain behaviors or new habits usually reveal the truth.

You will first try to convince yourself that you are okay. Then you will try to convince others. Until you learn to admit that you’re not okay, you’re going to drive yourself nuts feigning happiness. You must learn to be okay with not being okay until you’ve adjusted to your new normal.

I get that you might want to be left alone for a while, especially right after the incident, but if you start developing bad habits during your period of distance, then you need to let people who love you help you. If you tell people you are okay when they check on you, they may believe you if they don’t notice a change in your behavior or have no evidence of your new vice.

Everyone copes with depression differently, so everything does not need to be shared. However, if your coping mechanism leads to self destruction, then you need to confide in someone you can trust, and that someone does not have to be a friend or family member.

You were not designed to fight every battle on your own. No matter how tough you may think you are, you will eventually meet your match in life. You might not turn to people for help, but if drugs (legal or illegal), alcohol, and crime could interact the way people do, you’d be a team player.

Don’t invite toxic guests to your team for emotional support when you’re trying to find yourself. Instead, you’ll find yourself locked up in a mental institution or corrective institution – or much worse than the two, needless to say.

If you have a healthy circle, invite those friends rather. Let them take you out, visit you, or just listen to you. That’s what they’re meant for.

If you don’t have anyone to confide in, then you should seek a spiritual advisor and/or a therapist.

And remember…
“Make sense of what you do, and make every cent count.”

What are your thoughts? I’d love to hear them.

Submit topic suggestions using the “Contact Me” page.

Photo: Flickr by Johanna Albert

Something captured your interest? Don’t be selfish. Share with your friends!

Share Button

Learn to Be Happy in That Moment

Happiness is a choice. You can either claim it or disown it. Don’t believe me? Try pushing that smile button and keep applying pressure until you begin to feel happy.

Remember those old gas heaters? You had to keep applying pressure until that pilot lit up. You heard several clicks before hearing that rush from the pilot. It was like a sense of relief! At that moment, you felt instant gratification for that heater because you knew warmth was on the way! You were so determined to feel that heat that you wouldn’t stop applying pressure.

In that same way, you must apply pressure to trigger happiness in your life. However, you must understand that happiness is a temporary feeling. No one can be happy all the time because it can immediately be overturned by some unfortunate incident.

Think about a time(s) in your life when you were happy, then suddenly, that one phone call or incident zapped it all away. Well, I can name several. Can I get a witness?

It is nearly impossible to remain happy after hearing disturbing news or being involved in a serious incident. It will certainly take time and spiritual intervention to bounce back. Some instances might take an extended period of time plus therapy. But choosing to remain broken, depressed, or despondent is where you come in.

You cannot change what happened to you, but you can change what you think about. The memory will reappear, especially when idle, but you must change the channel in your mind, just as you do when searching for something interesting or entertaining to watch on television.

Sometimes, you may have to change your environment or objects in your space. For example, I recently removed obituaries of my deceased sister and brother-in-law from my work space because they were conjuring up sad memories way too often. I didn’t realize the damage it was doing to my spirit.

Nevertheless, seeing my sister’s smiling face on my screen saver and thinking of fun times with my brother-in-law make me smile and focus on good memories of them. But this might not affect another individual in the same way. That’s why it is important to do what works for you. Do whatever it takes to recapture that smile over and over again, until you begin to feel happy – even if it’s only for that moment.

And remember…
“Make sense of what you do, and make every cent count.”

What are your thoughts? I’d love to hear them.

Submit topic suggestions using the “Contact Me” page.

Photo: Flickr by Cartale

Something captured your interest? Don’t be selfish. Share with your friends!

Share Button