Positivity – Page 4 – Life Lessons

Don’t Change Your Hair For That Job

During my quest for gainful employment, I went above and beyond to be the perfect candidate. I pursued higher education, certifications, and any training or skill that would make me a more valuable asset.

I’ve always had a polished appearance. Nevertheless, I made sure my hair was straightened for all my interviews. Now what would that have to do with anything? Let me explain.

I’m a brown skin Black woman with kinky hair, which was not the preferred look in corporate America. Well, we’re the only ones with kinky hair or as some would say, “nappy hair”. Though a lot has changed since then, I still don’t think they like our hair, especially at the forefront. That’s why you haven’t seen Michelle Obama or any other Black politician wear their natural hair. First Ladies of mega churches don’t do it either, and their job is to serve the Lord. Our natural hair is not attractive to the general public, and it’s not deemed professional.

Sadly, some of my own people would say things like, “She needs to do something with that hair”, if they were to wear it natural. To my other races, when I say natural, I mean without straightening or chemicals.

So, when I realized my hair was not helping me get any of the jobs I had interviewed for, I quit worrying about how it looked during the time of the interview, as long as it was presentable.

I already have one strike against me for being Black, a second one for being brown skin, and a third one for having kinky hair. Sounds like we’re automatically set up to fail. But the good news is, I no longer give a damn.

I interviewed for one of my previous jobs with honey blonde braids in my hair. The style I had is called kinky twists, and I was not ready to take them down. Black women do not spend money on fake hair and the service, then sit in a chair for several hours only to take their hair down after only one to two weeks of wearing it. I was like, it is what it is. If they are interested, they are going to hire me with or without these braids. And they did.

However, the acceptance did not change anything. I was still going to wear my hair how I wanted to at work. In fact, I went to complete my onboarding packet wearing corn rows straight to the back. Again, they were neat and presentable. Oh, but you should’ve seen the look on the Human Resources lady’s face. Guess what race she was?…🤔👀

Throughout the duration of my employment, I’ve worn wash and gos (wet, dry, and wild), silk presses, single and double ponytails (high and low), and braids (with natural and fake hair).

I didn’t wear wigs and lace fronts because I’m just not a fan of them. They make me feel like I’m wearing a hair hat, and I really just don’t like anything covering too much of my head for long periods of time, which is why I don’t really wear regular hats as much either. But, to each her own.

Every time I changed my hair, I received genuine compliments from white people as well as other races. This is when I learned that many white people actually admire our hair. I would get asked questions like, “Is it tight, how long does it take, how is it done, etc?” But I never took offense to any of it. They were just curious. One of my coworkers made me laugh. He was a cool white guy who had good camaraderie with everyone at the office. When I came to work with it straight one day, then curly the next, he was like, “Oh, you can wear it puffed out too!” I was tickled pink because I can tell he was confused😂. Little did he know is that our hair has a mind of its own. Not all white people are tone-deaf. Some really are just curious.

However, a few have come off as tone-deaf when I wore it straight, saying things like, “I like when you wear your hair like that, or it really changes your look.” Excuse me, miss? I don’t care what you like, neither am I trying to appeal to you. I like my her straight at times, but I like it curly more. We often straighten our hair for one of two reasons or both: for manageability or a different look. However, if you care to know my truth, I straighten it so I can make it to work on time.

In conclusion, “do you” when it comes to your hair. God gave you that head of sheep’s wool because he knew you would be creative enough to figure out what to do with it. Besides, you’re too unique and special to wear your hair the same way every day. As for me, I’ve been blessed with a work from home opportunity that does not require me to comb my hair at all 😊

“Your skills pay your bills – not your hair. If an employer doesn’t accept it, then seek work elsewhere.”

– Bianca A. McCormick-Johnson ✍🏽

Words Do Hurt

“Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me” is one of the biggest lies ever told. If this were true, there would be less arguments, brawls, and violence in some instances. Not only do words hurt, but they are also emotional triggers.

Arguments start with words. When escalated, they become brawls. Brawls cause bruises triggered by words. The scars left can be physical and emotional. Most arguments can be maturely settled with the right choice of words, tone, and energy.

Violence can start with an argument, escalate to a brawl, and end with a bullet. Violence is triggered by many factors, but the most lethal weapon is your tongue. In an argument, you have the option to walk away, but you must have the last word. That last word could be just that unless you learn to deescalate a situation or simply walk away. Do you know how many fights were started over derogatory words or the common insult, “your mama”?

Oftentimes, it’s not what’s said but who said it. The wrong choice of words are responsible for many failed relationships, not just intimate ones. I can recall arguing with a former friend over the phone in the past. We both said some hurtful things to each other. I didn’t like what was said, but I didn’t like that it came from my friend more so. I’m sure she felt the same.

Words usually don’t hurt when they come from strangers. But when many of us feel disrespected, we’re ready to start a fire. You can definitely walk away from most of those instances. That parking spot does not call for a Glock, and that spot in line ain’t worth doing time. Him telling you he wasn’t moving didn’t hurt your feelings, it hurt your pride.

When used appropriately, words can be used to comfort, encourage, empower, inspire, uplift, and motivate. Words can make people feel loved, liked, appreciated, valued, and important. If you like to feel any of these ways, then choose your words wisely.

“If your words bring people down, then don’t expect anyone else’s to lift you up.”

-Bianca A. McCormick-Johnson ✍🏽

Age Gracefully, Not Hatefully

Growing older is not a burden. It’s a blessing! Do you realize how many people didn’t make it to 50 or even 40? A gray hair is a life spared. A knee cracking is what’s happening. And a little gut is what’s up!

Ain’t nothing wrong with making home improvements or renovations, but there’s no need to remodel your home. It’s not dilapidated. It’s not raggedy. And it’s definitely not old. You’re seasoned, stable, mature, and marvelous!

You know what’s the cool thing about having gray hair? You now have a new look to add to your collection. Once that dye grows out or that rinse wears off, you’ve got natural salt and pepper growing in your own head. If you don’t have any gray hairs, then you’re not officially seasoned 😄

What in the world could be exciting about cracking knees? You no longer have to bend to anyone’s demands 😃 Saying no becomes a whole lot easier when your knees start speaking for you. As long as you can bend them enough to walk away from drama, you’re still in good shape.

How does a gut make you the stuff? Every time you suck in your stomach, you’re working your ab muscles and looking slimmer at the same time 😉. Seriously though, it forces you to make a lifestyle change. That gut surely didn’t come from dieting and exercising. Either you never started or you stopped a long time ago. If you’re not happy with it, be grateful that you’re still alive to do something about it. And if you can’t seem to, then improve an area that you can to make up for it😊

Bottom line, don’t waste your precious life beating yourself up about the little changes that come with age. Change what you can, but accept what you can’t. If surgery makes you happy, then don’t let anyone make you feel bad about it. But please be careful and understand the risks that come from doing so.

There’s somebody for everybody, so you really don’t have to change a thing. I haven’t seen too many supermodels at the alter exchanging wedding vows. Sagging tits, fat backs, flat backs, and pot bellies are still winning. So if you fit the description of any, then so are you.

Love your seasoned self but hate sin, for that is the only thing keeping us from being great.

“If you live long enough to tell your own story, then you’ll make the greatest accomplishment in life.”

-Bianca A. McCormick-Johnson ✍🏽