Friendship – Life Lessons

Surround Yourself With Love

In a world full of hate, you must surround yourself with love. People who genuinely love you will never make you question the relationship. They will stand with you in pain and defend you in private or public, but they will also tell you when you’re wrong because they love you. You may see them or talk to them every day, but they’re always just one call away. These types of people create healthy environments, but they may not always include your family members.

Identify your circle of love

You should know who really loves you. If not, now is a good time to find out. If you’re not sure of how, call them up and tell them you want to see them. If they don’t sound a bit excited, they care nothing about seeing you and clearly don’t love you, unless there is some reasonable explanation for their reaction.

I only interact with people who are delighted to see me. Their energy tells me everything I need to know. When I visit my family and friends, their smile is big enough to light the room. If I don’t feel positive energy when I enter a room, I won’t feel welcome and will keep my distance.

Prioritize the relationship

Good people should never be placed on the back burner. However, some people have a habit of hanging around people who don’t love them. That’s how important acceptance is to people. So many people have told me they don’t have many friends but keep an entourage everywhere they go. I understand the concept of keeping your enemies closer, but if you’re always surrounded by negative energy, how do you expect to have a positive outlook on life?

Instead of hanging out with your enemies, pray for them instead. You need to be as closest to people who value you, appreciate you, love you, and care about you. Those are the ones who will show up for you, listen to you, make you feel special, and remember you. Your name will always be at the top of their guest list.

Pray for them

Whenever someone asks you to intercede in prayer, you should. Prayer is more powerful than anything else you can give. Plus, it only takes seconds! However, it’s those prayers that people don’t ask for that are more meaningful.

If I tell you I lost my job, I shouldn’t have to ask you to pray for me. If I tell you I’m ill, I shouldn’t have to ask. If I tell you I just haven’t been myself lately, I shouldn’t have to ask. No matter what the situation is, if you are made aware, I shouldn’t have to ask you for prayer.

Speaking of prayer, when people you love announce their loss, pain, or hardship on social media, don’t just throw prayer hands up without words of encouragement. Better yet, take the time to type a short prayer or send a private message. The phone always works too.

Sometimes God meets your needs through the people he places in your life. Take a few minutes to think about all the times someone from your circle of love has helped you, even if it was just emotional support or prayers.

“Your safe space of grace should consist of people who love you. They are anointed by God to give you immediate access to his blessings.”

-Bianca A. McCormick-Johnson ✍🏽

Let’s Talk About Loyalty

Loyalty is often discussed but seldom practiced among some people. Possible reasons it isn’t practiced are because people don’t understand its true meaning or how to fit into their lifestyle. Would you expect loyalty from an unreliable, untrustworthy, or unstable person? However, the main reason could be the belief that the other person doesn’t deserve it.

How do you define loyalty?

Think about it for a few seconds or as long as it takes. Then ask yourself, “Do I practice loyalty”? If your answer is no, then you shouldn’t expect it in return. Loyalty is not all about reciprocity, but it is an important component of it.

In terms of relationships, Merriam-Webster defines the word loyal as “unswerving in allegiance to a person whom faithfulness is due”.

Google describes loyal as “giving or showing firm and constant support or allegiance to a person or institution”.

I like both definitions, but I can resonate with Merriam-Webster more. It says to me that as long as we have this allegiance to each other, I will fulfill all my duties and responsibilities, regardless of how I feel. In other words, if we have a verbal disagreement or you didn’t like my Facebook post, it should not create distance or a change of heart. I will still show up to your event as if nothing ever happened.

In fact, if you were offended by my social media post in any way, though that was not my intent, I deserve a phone call or private message, not a thumb battle that could escalate and deter our friendship.

I can only imagine how many friendships were destroyed by social media alone.

Google’s definition can mean the same thing, but one wrong move will end the relationship and all ties to it. In other words, we have an alliance, but I’m not your friend. So many people fit into this category. That’s why so many people are confused about the status quo of their relationships.

I don’t think this type of loyalty is bad as long as the two of you are aware of the kind of relationship you have, so you won’t expect anything more or less. The confusion comes from thinking that everyone who is loyal to you is also your true friend.

You can very well be a loyal person and not a true friend, but you can’t be a true friend who is disloyal. Case and point: You can have the best rapport with your barber or beautician you frequent, but there are boundaries because you’re still a customer. The energy can switch from positive to negative quickly if you don’t pay up or he messes up your lining. Now you’re searching for a new barber, and your barber lost a loyal customer for making one mistake. Or perhaps, it wasn’t the first time 😲.

Which one do you identify with most?

Reciprocal loyalty or definitive loyalty? Reciprocal loyalty can fall under the one in which Google describes. For example, I will continually patronize your business as long as you’re providing quality products or services at competitive prices.

Sometimes the exchange is simply how that person makes you feel. For example, I will continually donate to my classmate’s fundraiser or charity because she’s a good person, and I like what she stands for.

Definitive loyalty can be one in which Merriam-Webster describes. For example, I will love you unconditionally and forgive you as often as needed. One misunderstanding will not change how I feel about you. We will settle our differences like adults and remain friends.

A true friend or partner exhibits this type of love, loyalty, and commitment. She enjoys being around you and will do anything for you. You can still count on her even though you haven’t spoken in six months. In any real friendship, this is what the person wants.

Choose wisely

Relatives are not true friends by default. Oftentimes, friends are more loyal and trustworthy. I am a living witness 🙋🏽‍♀️. You may not always be able to avoid seeing your relatives, but you can most certainly avoid getting burned by them.

I don’t discourage giving them a chance or trying to get along. But don’t expect them to be loyal to you just because you are family.

Treat everyone accordingly, but set boundaries as necessary. Most importantly, be the kind of loyalty you desire to attract.

And remember…
“Make sense of what you do, and make every cent count.”

I’d love to hear your thoughts on this topic.

Something captured your interest? Don’t be selfish. Share with your friends!

Fake Friends Can Be A Real Problem

Last week’s blog was entitled, A Real Friend is Good to Have. It discussed the values of having a true friend, especially in a time of need. This week’s blog shares the opposite.

Don’t be so quick to call everyone your friend. Everyone doesn’t deserve that title. Pay attention to the signs, and do not ignore them. Some signs may include: one-way conversations, poor choice of words, sarcasm, excessive joking, little enthusiasm, two-faced, and lack of support, to name a few.

One-Way Conversations

A two-way conversation involves talking and listening. But if you can barely get a word in, then it’s a one-way conversation. Many of us have had times when we needed to vent, but if that’s the only time you’re called, then you need to stop answering. That person is one-sided and full of drama. He’s not seeking advice, or she doesn’t value your opinion. He or she just wants to beat your ear drums with numerous decibels of nonsense. Recommend therapy and move on.

When’s the last time she called just to check in? When’s the last time he acknowledged your achievements privately instead of publicly? When’s the last time you received emotional support from that person, like a simple “sorry for your loss”?

I had to kick a few friends to the curb for showing lack of emotional support during my time of grief. Though they were more like mutual friends, they still consumed enough of my time in the past, and my time is too valuable to be squandered. If we’ve had multiple interactions over years, you always attend my parties, and you have my phone number, then you owe me a simple “sorry for your loss”, or you can get lost, for I’ve had associates to say the least.

Some of you may disagree with my approach, but I’m telling you from experience, those people are not worth keeping in your inner or outer circle.

Poor Choice of Words

Anyone who refers to your business as “little” or a “hustle” is not a true friend. The only time these words are acceptable is when you refer to it as such. You can’t expect anyone to call it something different when you downplay it yourself. It’s like getting upset when a friend calls you by the nickname you’ve given yourself. However, a friend who recognizes this flaw in the description of your business will correct you.

Be mindful that your friend might not mean any harm, if he or she is speaking casually and not known to belittle you. It’s how that person says it that should grab your attention. (Ex. “I see you got your lil t-shirt business going.”)

Sarcasm and Excessive Joking

“You got the promotion?” Girl, who’s behind did you have to kiss? Lol! I’m just playing. But congratulations!” First, sarcasm has no place in a healthy friendship. Second, if your achievements suddenly become a joke, then so is the friendship.

Little Enthusiasm

If your friends don’t get excited about your achievements, it may be a sign of jealousy. If they congratulate you with sarcasm, it may be a sign of jealousy and envy. Basically, the only time they’re happy is when the spotlight is not on you.

Two-Faced

A two-faced person is not just one who talks behind your back. He or she also does not defend you when you are being talked about. It is very possible to be friends with two people who never see eye-to-eye, but that friend must know to respect your boundaries when speaking of the other person. Anytime you allow someone to speak negatively of your friend in your presence, be it another friend or family member, your silence makes you two-faced.

Lack of Support

Support can take many different forms, and the lack thereof can contain all of the above. However, my focus here deals mainly with business ventures. First, let’s be clear. Your friend does not have to support everything you do, and sometimes you do need to ask for it. But just because you’ve started your own tax service, or you’re now selling insurance doesn’t mean they are obligated to switch providers. Nevertheless, that person has the duty of at least mentioning your product or service when the opportunity arises and sharing the info. An example of lack of support is when your friend purposely won’t purchase or share your product or service because it will benefit you. Bottom line, any friend that won’t support you out of spite is a hater, and hating is not healthy in any relationship.

Lastly, if your friends don’t show up to the launching event of your new business venture or project, they care nothing about you winning, especially while they’re losing. If it’s not a “turn up”, then don’t expect them to show up. Let those low vibrational friends go because they are not happy with themselves.

Now that you know how to identify a fake friend, remove the weed from your garden and do not become one.

And remember… “Make sense of what you do, and make every cent count.”

What are your thoughts? I’d love to hear them.

Submit topic suggestions using the “Contact Me” page.

Photo: Life of Pix

Something captured your interest? Don’t be selfish. Share with your friends!