Self-Improvement – Life Lessons

Do Unto Others

Are you living by the Golden Rule, “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you”? Could you imagine what life would be like if everyone adhered to this simple rule?

No one can say he or she has never sinned. If so, this world would be a perfect place. If you’ve ever taken supplies home from work for personal use, you’ve sinned. If you’ve ever told a white lie, you’ve sinned. If you’ve ever remained silent about a serious situation, you’ve sinned. The list can go on and on.

Just because the impact seemed light or was indirect doesn’t make it right. Imagine if you had a business and your expenses kept increasing because employees were stealing. Imagine if someone told you a white lie that created big consequences. He asked you if his breath stinks and you said no. Now they are clowning him at work behind his back. Imagine if you needed your sibling to back you up about a false accusation another family member made. How would you feel?

What about when you betrayed someone’s trust by lying, cheating, stealing, or withholding pertinent information? There are so many different ways to betray someone, but all it takes is one bad decision. You should always think about how your actions might affect others. If your actions cause you to hurt someone, you should apologize immediately.

It’s the little things that seem trivial yet can cause the biggest arguments, especially in a shared household. Clean out your tub after you bathe or shower. Clean up your hair after you shave. Wash your dirty dishes at home and at someone else’s house. Bottom line, keep your area clean. It’s not just your responsibility. It’s also common courtesy.

In public, leave room so someone can park next to you. Don’t block anyone in. Don’t litter. Don’t urinate all over the toilet and make a mess. Have enough decency to wipe the seat, if you do. Flush the toilet. Don’t put paper products in the toilet. Don’t leave a trail of tissue or water all over the sink. Show some respect for an available restroom, for those are the reasons businesses do not make their restrooms available to the public.

In traffic, don’t be rude. Let the other driver merge. Use your blinkers and stop just cutting in front of people. Stop cruising in the left lane. It’s for passing. Don’t text and drive. Get off the phone and pay attention to the road. If it’s that important, pull over. If you’re too distracted in any way to drive defensively, you’re likely to cause an accident.

As you can see, the golden rule goes beyond just the way you treat people directly. It’s your indirect actions and personal responsibility that can make this world a better place.

“Individually, you can improve your household. Collectively, we can improve the world.”🌎

-Bianca A. McCormick-Johnson✍🏽

Don’t Hit Send Yet

Have you ever received a message that ruffled your feathers or made you a little uncomfortable? Think about how you responded versus how you should’ve responded. I’ve had my share of those messages in the past, and I failed the test each time up until 2019.

Oftentimes, it’s not necessarily what was said but how it was conveyed or who delivered it. Sometimes people get offended by one word or remark that triggered the negative reaction. Nothing else mentioned in the entire message mattered.

We are all sensitive to a set of triggers that can really get our blood boiling. Typical triggers can include the use of profanity or sexually explicit language, mentioning a loved one or painful past event, a negative tone, threats, and etc. What sets you off can be determined by many factors, but the good news is, there are ways to combat it.

Whenever or if ever you receive a disturbing text or direct message, never respond right away. Take these steps instead:

Breathe

Breathing exercises can immediately cease the need to react with haste. It helps to relieve the anger and balance your emotions, allowing you to rationalize instead of antagonizing the situation. Take as many deep breaths as necessary to release all the negative energy stirred up from that unsettling message.

Think

There’s a reason behind every message. Sometimes the message has nothing to do with the reason, or the reason doesn’t quite align with the message. In that case, there’s an underlying problem that may have nothing to do with you.

I once received a disturbing phone call from a mutual friend. I was totally caught off guard and clueless to what she was saying. There was never bad energy between us, so I knew something was off.

During the first conversation, I mostly listened to what she had to say to try to understand her point, only to learn that there was none. She took her anger and frustration out on me because of some personal issues she was dealing with in her life. I thought I was just an easy target, until learning that she was going off on everyone in her circle.

I must admit, the second conversation didn’t go so well. I ended up using profanity and hanging up on her. That one offensive line hurt her feelings deeply. Sadly, I wished I had gone harder. Don’t judge me. God wasn’t through with me yet. However, I thank God I didn’t let the devil use me because that poor woman is still lost until this day.

Whether the person is totally out of line or has a reasonable explanation, always think before you speak. It can help you quickly diffuse the situation and ease the pain.

Forgive

If you know anything about forgiveness, then you should know this is for you, not necessarily the other person. It really does create inner peace. Holding onto anger and grudges take too much power and control over you. Trust me. I know from experience.

You may never forget how that person treated you, but at least, you’ll have peace of mind, which is priceless. If you need God’s help with forgiveness, seek it. Ask him to show his face, listen to your thoughts, and heal your heart from the pain this person has caused. If you don’t think you can do it the same day in which the message was received, then don’t respond that day. Allow yourself time to reflect and heal, so you can forgive.

It’s also okay to let the person know you’ve forgiven him or her. She’s ready to go back and forth. But remember, it doesn’t become a fight until you step into the ring. You’d be surprised at how your mature reaction can quickly put out a fire, unless you’re dealing with an unstable person or one with mental health issues.

Respond

Now that you’re ready to respond, how will you? If you still want to curse this person out, then you’re not ready because you haven’t healed. Not sure how? Always ask God to choose your words first. Nevertheless, you can always keep it short and sweet by saying something like, “None of this is true. I pray you get the answers you’re seeking.” “Your problem is not with me, but I’ll be praying for you.” “I’m sorry you feel this way, but this is totally unacceptable. I pray you get the help you need.” “I’m offended by your message. None of this makes sense. However, I forgive you and pray that you get the help you deserve.” “No weapon formed against me shall prosper. I’ll be praying for you.” Or you can always just say, “I’ll be praying for you.”

Sometimes it may be necessary to call or meet up, depending on the relationship or circumstances. Texting can get really ugly because many people don’t know how to communicate that way effectively, leading to messages getting misconstrued.

“Whether the message came from a foe or friend, think before hitting send. When communication gets lost, conflict begins.”

-Bianca A. McCormick-Johnson ✍🏽

Living A Blessed Life

Your best life is a blessed life. If you’re reading this, you were blessed with sight, internet access, and the ability to touch. Doesn’t seem like much until you meet someone who cannot do all of the above.

Instead of focusing on what you don’t have, try focusing on what you do have. I know it’s easier said than done at times, but you need to practice. Why? Because negative thinking leads to worrying. Worry leads to stress, and stress is the gateway to depression. You’ll find yourself eating too much or too less, or spending excessively, to name a few. Worst of all, you may pick up on a bad habit like smoking.

You may also need to take a step back from social media. Social media will give you a false representation of other people’s lives. Some people are living their best lives, and some are making it look that way. I love to see people in healthy relationships, taking nice vacations, and sharing their achievements. It’s inspiring! However, you have no idea of the trials and tribulations they face and what cross they may have to bear, so just be happy for them, and pray for those who are fabricating the life they desire.

Over the years, I’ve learned some disheartening things about people who I thought had it all together. I wish I had not known because I was rooting for them and relishing in their wins. Some people have nothing to say until they learn about one’s failures or fate. I often hear things like, “I didn’t know”. It’s because you didn’t need to know about the pain behind their progress. You were supposed to be rooting for them regardless.

Before I close, I’m going to dissect the phrase, “living my best life”. It simply means that the worst is behind you, you’re unbothered, and/or you’ve learned not to let your problems keep you from living. It has nothing to do with money or success. If you’re not living your best life, then learn to be okay with living your blessed life.

“The best thing about life is that you don’t have to do it all by yourself. When it gets too hard, give it to God🙏🏽”

-Bianca A. McCormick-Johnson ✍🏽