I Was Good in 2016, But I’ll Be Better in 2017

As I close out the year, I think about those I may have hurt with my words, actions, or attitude. At times I was aware, and at times I wasn’t. I wish I wouldn’t have made assumptions. I wish I would’ve been more understanding. I wish I would’ve been more conscious and aware. I wish I would’ve spent more time listening and less time talking. I often tried to apply the advice I had given to others. Most of the time it worked, but sometimes it didn’t. I am a living witness of things being easier said than done. But, that’s life. You have to accept the good with the bad.

On another note, I wondered if I looked better than I did last year or if I looked worse. I wondered if people saw me the same as they did when I was in high school. I held my stomach in while taking pictures. I took over a hundred selfies and only liked a few of them. I wore clothes that should have been passed on because I did not want to accept my weight gain. I practiced smiling in the mirror, so I could always be picture ready. I liked my smile in the mirror but hated it on pictures sometimes. I often wondered what it would be like to look like the celebrities on television. I always thought I could use a little more tits and butt. I also thought my waistline could be thinner, and my legs could be a little thicker. I thought my hair could be longer and straighter. I thought my skin could be smoother and less oily. I thought my face could be slimmer and shorter. Oh, and I thought my feet could be smaller to wear those cut shoes. If I changed everything I could, I wouldn’t have been myself anymore.

I laughed, I cried, and I loved with my whole heart. But I wonder if it was ever enough? I spent a lot of time thinking, meditating, and praying to get answers on what my future would be like. I spent a lot of time caring about what others thought of me. I paid too much attention to who was liking my posts versus who was actually viewing them. I entertained frivolous matters that did not contribute to my success. I worried about money too much. I focused on numbers too much. I pouted too much. I shouted too much. I cursed too much. I complained too much. But I’ve retained the lessons learned in this year.

I know I won’t be perfect next year, but I know I will be better. Don’t judge me until you read to the end of this letter. I cared, I loved, I gave, I prayed, I forgave, and put others before me. I smiled to lift people’s spirits, not so others would adore me. I prayed for people I did not know. I gave from the heart, not for show. I listened to people out of compassion, not for the tea, gossip, or attraction. I let little stuff get me down, but I didn’t spread my feelings around. I got mad when things didn’t go my way, but I didn’t bring it into the next day. I didn’t get everything I wanted, but I maintained a fabulous image to flaunt it. I didn’t finish everything I started, but I gave my all regardless. I didn’t achieve all my goals, but I watched my blessings unfold. I stayed away from drama and avoided strife. I don’t have an appetite for foolishness, but I have a huge appetite for life.

I will change what I can and accept what I can’t, but just because I can doesn’t mean I should.

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Bianca A. McCormick-Johnson

In short, I'm a work of ART (Aptitude, Resolve, & Talent). My goal is to Attract, Retain, and Teach an audience between the ages of 14 to about 50 and beyond the disciplines of life. I've been blessed with the gift of giving knowledge and creating peace within the souls of many who are starving for spiritual satisfaction. I'm no prophet, but I do believe that I am one of God's chosen spiritual leaders and sources of information on how to walk a straight path down a crooked road.

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