Life could be so less painful for married folk if one did not cheat. But unfortunately, that’s not the case. People cheat for many different reasons, but the intent is usually never to hurt the other person. In a world full of sin, cheating is the most committed domestic crime you can’t get locked up for. Why? Because it’s normal behavior. Nevertheless, that doesn’t make it okay.
Men and women cheat. Men just get caught more because they’re usually sloppy with it. Women are smart and clever. If she’s good at it, she’ll continue to take care of home and love her husband like no other can take his place. She keeps her house clean, but her panties are dirty. But he’ll never know because she’ll be covered in the sweet aroma of Bath and Body Works or Victoria’s Secret. She’ll greet him with a kiss, and he’ll know that he’s been missed.
I wouldn’t say she deserves an award, and I definitely wouldn’t say he needs to get better at it. However, there is a motive behind every action, good or bad. So, let’s dig deeper and find out why they do what they do. Meet the Seven Setbacks in a Marriage.
Meet Charles
Setback number one wants the best of both worlds. He might admire your brilliance and beauty, but the other woman loves to watch sports and drink beers with him – something you don’t like to do. And somehow, they wind up on top of each other. While I don’t condone cheating at all, I do understand that the intimate part of it is just a physical form of communication – no emotional attachment in most cases. That’s why it is so easy for many men to let go once they are busted. They usually miss the camaraderie more than the sex itself. So if you find out Betty Boo is not cuter than you, then that’s why. But if he keeps going back, the connection has strengthened beyond physical limits. At that point, your marriage is really in trouble.
Meet Helena
Setback number two is just selfish and insatiable. She wants a faithful man who is gentle and kind and makes plenty money to spoil her, so she doesn’t have to work hard. On top of that, she wants a “pipe layer” who she can also feel safe with in the streets. Oh, and it would be a plus if he makes her laugh. Sounds like perfect? Pretty darn close. So Helena loves and adores this man who purchased her at the highest bid, but Bob makes her laugh and hits the the spot each time. Oh, and he’s fine too.
Helena hasn’t figured out her priorities. She doesn’t enjoy being unfaithful and dishonest, but she still doesn’t feel as though her life is complete. Helena might need therapy and a hobby that doesn’t involve sleeping around with other men. Otherwise, she’s going to end up losing the good one she has – unless he’s henpecked.
Meet Edward
Setback number three had his heart broken by a girl he once loved deeply. Hence, he’s had his guards up ever since. Though he’s found a woman worth committing to, Edward has found pleasure in being in control of his situations. He knew marriage came with some restrictions, but he also knew he could miss out on a good woman if he didn’t commit. His juvenile heartbreak keeps him from being faithful but can also cost him a good woman if he doesn’t stop. He thinks it’s okay as long as he keeps his woman happy and doesn’t get caught. Edward will probably continue to cheat until he gets caught, which he will eventually. All flings have expiration dates. At that point, he’ll stop if she threatens to leave him or he realizes the pain he’s caused. Men like Edward are weak and insecure. They can’t keep a lick because it reminds them of the pain.
Meet April
Setback number four got married because all her friends were married and seemed very happy. Girls night had become couples dating. So she found a duck and plucked him until he didn’t have any feathers left because she’s never been truly loved by a man. April likes the idea of having a title and being spoiled, but she’s not too comfortable with the commitment part because her dude is lame and boring. Plus, she likes variety. He’s good “hubby” material, but she’s not good “wifey” material. He tried to do the magic trick of turning a whore into a housewife.
April’s husband is crazy about her and will do anything to keep her. Until he learns to put his foot down or April matures, she will continue to cheat. Instead of cleaning up her behavior, she’d rather put a good boy at risk.
Meet Troy
Setback number five was given an ultimatum and figured it was cheaper to keep her. After a 14-year common-law marriage, his girl wanted a title, and I don’t mean to a car. The couple was already sharing the responsibilities of a married couple like raising the kids, splitting the bills, etc. They even had vehicles loans in both their names. Troy loved his girl, but he didn’t want to feel trapped in a marriage. He figured marriage would complicate things, as he has witnessed in other marriages. Plus, he knew that it would cost more to get out of a marriage than it would to walk out of a relationship. Nevertheless, if he didn’t marry her, she would put a dent in his pocket either way with child support.
Troy’s girl wants a legal commitment and security. But little does she know, Troy didn’t want to commit because he wasn’t done playing the field. Thus, he plays it in their marriage, hoping to never get caught.
Meet Emily
Setback number six got married because she was led by the spirit, but she is really a nymphomaniac. One man doesn’t seem to satisfy her. Emily’s sex drive is higher than the twin towers. Moreover, she enjoys being pleasured by other females as well. She’s down for whatever when it comes to sex, but Mr. Church Guy is not as experienced as her. Plus, his sex drive is only average. Emily tries to keep herself busy and spiritually-fed, but she can’t seem to resist the pastor! Hopefully, her husband never finds out.
Meet Richard
Setback number seven is unhappy. He married his girl because he loved her and knew that marriage was the right thing to do, but he only stayed because of the kids. He knew his girl would threaten to take the kids if he left. Richard put his own desires aside to give his kids a stable two-parent home, but his feelings left a long time ago. Of course, something happened in their marriage to get them to that point. It could have been lack of communication or sex, financial hardship, some insecurity, the inability to compromise on something, or a past behavior that hasn’t been forgiven. Or, they could have simply grown apart and don’t know how to mend the relationship. Counseling could possibly save their marriage, but Richard chooses to relieve his stress by sleeping around with other women. When the kids are grown, they’ll most likely split.
Whether you are Charles, Helena, Emily, April, Troy, Edward, or Richard, your behavior will destroy your marriage if you don’t stop. While cheating is not the result of all failed marriages, it is the number one reason. If you don’t care about your marriage or that person, then you should tell him or her and quit living a lie. You are diminishing that person’s good years as well as your own.
If you really want your marriage to work, you should communicate with your spouse and express your feelings. Sometimes we tend to think our spouses know how we feel. People can’t read minds. That’s only in fairy tales. Your spouse might be thinking she is being the best wife she could be and vice versa. She might not like what you have to say, but at least she’ll be given the opportunity to reinvent herself. Your husband might think he’s putting it down, but you can only fake it for so long. Invite some new ideas or spontaneity into your marriage, not other people. But if that’s your thing, go for it. Just know that it can add spice as well as conflict to your marriage. Be creative but don’t create problems.
The reasons people cheat are not limited to the characters in the scenarios above. Everyone’s situation is different. Some are sexually deprived, emotionally detached, bored, curious, vindictive, insecure about themselves, addicted, stressed, depressed, or heartbroken about something. Some just like variety. Others are just nasty and shouldn’t been married.
Whatever is causing you to cheat, tackle that problem first. This might not be an easy fix if your strong sexual desires or negative feelings about the person are the root causes. You may need professional help, or you could be in the wrong marriage. God doesn’t put all couples together. Nevertheless, I do believe any marriage can work if the two are willing to tackle the problem together and withstand the stress that might come along with it. Remember what first attracted you to that persons and start from there.
And remember…
“Make sense of what you do, and make every cent count.”
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