Change – Life Lessons

Don’t Hit Send Yet

Have you ever received a message that ruffled your feathers or made you a little uncomfortable? Think about how you responded versus how you should’ve responded. I’ve had my share of those messages in the past, and I failed the test each time up until 2019.

Oftentimes, it’s not necessarily what was said but how it was conveyed or who delivered it. Sometimes people get offended by one word or remark that triggered the negative reaction. Nothing else mentioned in the entire message mattered.

We are all sensitive to a set of triggers that can really get our blood boiling. Typical triggers can include the use of profanity or sexually explicit language, mentioning a loved one or painful past event, a negative tone, threats, and etc. What sets you off can be determined by many factors, but the good news is, there are ways to combat it.

Whenever or if ever you receive a disturbing text or direct message, never respond right away. Take these steps instead:

Breathe

Breathing exercises can immediately cease the need to react with haste. It helps to relieve the anger and balance your emotions, allowing you to rationalize instead of antagonizing the situation. Take as many deep breaths as necessary to release all the negative energy stirred up from that unsettling message.

Think

There’s a reason behind every message. Sometimes the message has nothing to do with the reason, or the reason doesn’t quite align with the message. In that case, there’s an underlying problem that may have nothing to do with you.

I once received a disturbing phone call from a mutual friend. I was totally caught off guard and clueless to what she was saying. There was never bad energy between us, so I knew something was off.

During the first conversation, I mostly listened to what she had to say to try to understand her point, only to learn that there was none. She took her anger and frustration out on me because of some personal issues she was dealing with in her life. I thought I was just an easy target, until learning that she was going off on everyone in her circle.

I must admit, the second conversation didn’t go so well. I ended up using profanity and hanging up on her. That one offensive line hurt her feelings deeply. Sadly, I wished I had gone harder. Don’t judge me. God wasn’t through with me yet. However, I thank God I didn’t let the devil use me because that poor woman is still lost until this day.

Whether the person is totally out of line or has a reasonable explanation, always think before you speak. It can help you quickly diffuse the situation and ease the pain.

Forgive

If you know anything about forgiveness, then you should know this is for you, not necessarily the other person. It really does create inner peace. Holding onto anger and grudges take too much power and control over you. Trust me. I know from experience.

You may never forget how that person treated you, but at least, you’ll have peace of mind, which is priceless. If you need God’s help with forgiveness, seek it. Ask him to show his face, listen to your thoughts, and heal your heart from the pain this person has caused. If you don’t think you can do it the same day in which the message was received, then don’t respond that day. Allow yourself time to reflect and heal, so you can forgive.

It’s also okay to let the person know you’ve forgiven him or her. She’s ready to go back and forth. But remember, it doesn’t become a fight until you step into the ring. You’d be surprised at how your mature reaction can quickly put out a fire, unless you’re dealing with an unstable person or one with mental health issues.

Respond

Now that you’re ready to respond, how will you? If you still want to curse this person out, then you’re not ready because you haven’t healed. Not sure how? You can always keep it short and sweet by saying something like, “None of this is true. I pray you get the answers you’re seeking.” “Your problem is not with me, but I’ll be praying for you.” “I’m sorry you feel this way, but this is totally unacceptable. I pray you get the help you need.” “I’m offended by your message. None of this makes sense. Nevertheless. I forgive you and pray that you get the help you deserve.” “No weapon formed against me shall prosper. I’ll be praying for you.” Or you can always just say, “I’ll be praying for you.”

Sometimes it may be necessary to call or meet up, depending on the relationship or circumstances. Texting can get really ugly because many people don’t know how to communicate that way effectively, leading to messages getting misconstrued.

“Whether the message came from a foe or friend, think before hitting send. When communication gets lost, conflict begins.”

-Bianca A. McCormick-Johnson ✍🏽

The Government Is Not God

Whether at local, state, or federal level, you’re not safe in the hands of any government. The events occurring around the world today are evidence of history repeating itself and living in the last days. You cannot change what is destined to happen. However, you can change your attitude about what’s happening. Fate is a force of nature, but your faith can prepare you for what’s about to happen.

I’m not happy about the way our current president is handling the economy, but he was not appointed by God. The people put him in office. Some regret their decisions, and some still support his administration. To each his own. You can rant and debate about politics on social media, or you can give it to God. Put most of your energy on your knees to meet your needs.

It is our civil duty to cast our votes at the election polls. Faith doesn’t change that. Maybe your vote matters or maybe it doesn’t. Nonetheless, faith without works is a dead end. What I’ve learned is that our actions don’t stop at the polls.

We must pray for our leaders and promote change within our own communities, starting with your circle. Start having those tough conversations and healthy debates with your family members, friends and colleagues in an effort to understand their point of view. A polarized discussion can lead to a harmonized decision.

The goal is not necessarily to change people’s minds but to make them aware of how their decision may negatively affect someone they love or care about. It’s also important to know that many voting decisions are for selfish reasons, not the greater good of the people. Usually when people have one-sided debates or advocate for a particular change, that’s all they care about. Be a voice of love and reform for everyone, not just yourself.

I’m impartial to politics because they keep us divided. I don’t agree or disagree with everything from either party because neither is righteous. We print “In God We Trust” on our currency, but we took prayer out of public schools. So, to whom do we trust now?

I really don’t think God would be pleased with many of the proposed changes because they go against his teachings. If we’re not going to run our country according to God’s will, then his name shouldn’t be on our currency.

Fix what you can of yourself because you can’t fix this economy with worry, whining, and complaining. No president has ever been able to please everyone. Only God can do that.

“There may be multiple parties, but there’s only one God. Your mission may seem impossible, but for him, it’s never hard.”

-Bianca A. McCormick-Johnson ✍🏽

Living A Blessed Life

Your best life is a blessed life. If you’re reading this, you were blessed with sight, internet access, and the ability to touch. Doesn’t seem like much until you meet someone who cannot do all of the above.

Instead of focusing on what you don’t have, try focusing on what you do have. I know it’s easier said than done at times, but you need to practice. Why? Because negative thinking leads to worrying. Worry leads to stress, and stress is the gateway to depression. You’ll find yourself eating too much or too less, or spending excessively, to name a few. Worst of all, you may pick up on a bad habit like smoking.

You may also need to take a step back from social media. Social media will give you a false representation of other people’s lives. Some people are living their best lives, and some are making it look that way. I love to see people in healthy relationships, taking nice vacations, and sharing their achievements. It’s inspiring! However, you have no idea of the trials and tribulations they face and what cross they may have to bear, so just be happy for them, and pray for those who are fabricating the life they desire.

Over the years, I’ve learned some disheartening things about people who I thought had it all together. I wish I had not known because I was rooting for them and relishing in their wins. Some people have nothing to say until they learn about one’s failures or fate. I often hear things like, “I didn’t know”. It’s because you didn’t need to know about the pain behind their progress. You were supposed to be rooting for them regardless.

Before I close, I’m going to dissect the phrase, “living my best life”. It simply means that the worst is behind you, you’re unbothered, and/or you’ve learned not to let your problems keep you from living. It has nothing to do with money or success. If you’re not living your best life, then learn to be okay with living your blessed life.

“The best thing about life is that you don’t have to do it all by yourself. When it gets too hard, give it to God🙏🏽”

-Bianca A. McCormick-Johnson ✍🏽