When 50/50 Becomes 80/20 in Marriage

Would you agree that marriage isn’t always 50/50? I’d have to say that it is never 50/50. That would imply that each responsibility is always evenly divided. With 18 years of experience, I can assure you that is not the case for a practical, healthy marriage. First, let me tell you what I mean by practical and healthy in terms of marriage. In a practical marriage, everything is not always going to be consistent, and everyday invites new challenges or opportunities. Plus, some responsibilities are shared. For example, a housewife who accepts a full-time job and attends school may not be able to hold up her end of the bargain every day. The added responsibilities consume most of the free time she once had. Hence, her husband may have to either pick up some of the responsibilities or they become shared. Consequently, he might be pulling 80 percent while she’s only pulling 20 some days.

A happy marriage is not necessarily a healthy marriage, if you’re only happy when everything goes your way. What ever happened to compromising? So you’d prefer light cabinets, but he prefers dark. You want the Mercedes, so you convince him not to get the BMW. You want the more expensive home that is closer to your job as the opposed to the more affordable one that would put both of you half way. Basically, if you’re the only one happy in the marriage, then it is indeed not healthy because if your spouse ever gets in a position where he or she cannot satisfy you, you’ll probably be ready to throw in the towel. In a healthy marriage, love should be enough. Where there is love, there is should be adequate satisfaction.

What about when you’re ill or in your feelings? Come on, now. Don’t act like you don’t get in your feelings sometimes, especially us females. My monthly visitor creates an indescribable, inevitable imbalance that changes my whole personality. Mother nature sure has her way of bringing out the worst in women. Does he really expect you to give 100 percent when you turn into the Tasmanian Devil? I wouldn’t dare, if the tables were turned. To be honest, I wouldn’t want to be with anyone who is only willing to pull 50 percent of the weight. No one can be 100 percent every day, but if you only commit to 50 in the first place, you’re at the half mark of a failing marriage. If you desire for your marriage to last, be an example of how you would like your spouse to be.

What are your thoughts? I’d love to hear them!

And remember…
“Make sense of what you do, and make every cent count.”

What are your thoughts? I’d love to hear them.

Submit topics suggestions using the “Contact Me” page.

Photo: Flickr. Marriage by Takashi Hososhima CC

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The Best Revenge Is Your Success

Have you ever been in competition with someone and didn’t know it? He or she is cheering for you on the sideline but chopping you up like seasoning in the kitchen! You’d never think that those who appear to be your biggest fans would be out to burn you like toast and roast you like chicken. While you are trying to make it to the finish line, your competitor is throwing stones. You’ll always have competition, and that’s fine. But when the competitor is your close friend or relative, it’s foul!

In a competition, respect is gained or lost, and the battle is either fair or unfair. Companies compete against each other all the time, especially in retail. For example, virtually every cell phone company claims to have better coverage or connectivity. That’s fair. However, a competition that is done in vain is unfair. Of course two friends or relatives can knowingly compete against one another, as long as the intent is not for one to knock the other down maliciously. When I was a part of a network marketing organization, I had a strong team. Though I was the head, we were all still in competition with one another. Nevertheless, we supported each other wholeheartedly. It motivated me to see my team members moving at the same pace as myself or faster. It actually made me happier to see the people I brought aboard doing better than myself. Success feels better when someone else benefits. If your team members are winning, it certainly does not make you a loser. There’s no “I” in team. Nonetheless, the bad part about having success at the expense of others is when your team members cannot keep up. When the game becomes unfair, it may be time to give it up.

So how I can tell if my support is out of love or hate?

Most of the time, you can’t. Otherwise, you wouldn’t need me to tell you. Anyone who shows evidence of not wanting to see you get ahead is clearly not a fan of you. Oftentimes, you will not find this out unless the two of you have a big altercation or someone with this information shares it with you. I can imagine that you’d want to know who is hating on you, but you should be mindful of who is sharing such information with you. It too can be done in vain. For instance, if the person sharing the information is supposed to be a close friend of your friend or relative as well, he or she cannot be trusted. Jealous people will stir up dissension between two good friends or relatives just to secure their place or take yours. However, if this is not the case and the information adds up to your instincts, interrogations should start immediately. Over time, a hater will begin to reveal some tell-tale signs. For example, if your friend withheld information about a position you verbally expressed interest in, there’s your prospect. To make matter worse, if that friend could have helped you get the position, there’s your poison.

How do I defeat this person without retaliating?

One thing to remember is that a person of this character does not deserve the time and energy it takes to seek revenge. If you really want to ruffle some feathers, work harder towards achieving your goals by spending more time taking the necessary steps and less time talking to your hater. You’d be surprised at how far you can get after curing such disease. Before you know it, you’ll be at the finish line smiling from ear to ear, while your hater is sucking teeth and bleeding jealousy.

And remember…
“Make sense of what you do, and make every cent count.”

What are your thoughts? I’d love to hear them.

Submit topics suggestions using the “Contact Me” page.

Photo: Flickr. Revenge by Dan Brickley CC

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