Everyone Has an Addiction

An addiction is not limited to substance abuse. It can be a healthy habit with negative consequences. Some people are addicted to helping people. My mom is one them. She’ll go the extra mile to the extent of exhaustion. That’s when it becomes a detriment.

What’s your drug? Everyone has one, be it eating, sleeping, exercising, shopping, or sex, you’re addicted to something.

No hobby or activity should compromise your health. Let me give you a few examples.

Eating

This one is most obvious. Therefore, I will not elaborate too much. Studies have shown the negative effects of eating too much of the wrong foods and not eating enough of the right foods.

Without research and statistics, your body has shown signs. Don’t ignore them. When your symptoms become conditions, you’ve gone into overdose.

Sleeping

You can’t solve your problems by sleeping. You must face them. If you’re sleeping too much, you’re trying to escape reality.

There’s nothing wrong with taking a long nap after getting bad news. Sometimes it helps to recharge your mind and settle your emotions. But when it becomes your lifestyle, it’s an illness.

You can’t say you’re productive if you’re sleeping all the time or too late every day. Your inventory isn’t going to move itself. You must sell it. Your credit will not repair or rebuild itself. You must work on it. And a job may not come to you. You have to search for one!

Exercising

Some people lose their minds when they can’t make it to that gym. While this might be a healthy addiction, it’s still an addiction. Exercising exudes a kind of peace that can calm the mind, body, and soul. But too much of it can divert your attention from other important matters. While you’re too focused on your body goals, you may be neglecting people you care about, projects you’re supposed to be working on, and etc. You need balance to maintain that banging body.

Shopping

This was once an addiction of mine. I made any excuse to do it. Being a tall girl, shopping can be more painful than joyful, but that surely didn’t stop me. Presently, I have more clothes, shoes, and handbags than closet space.

Sex

Believe it or not, some people are addicted to sex and just can’t get enough. A woman of this category might be called a “nymphomaniac” or “nympho” for short. A male of this nature could be called “satyromaniac”, which is derived from the condition called “satyriasis”. I won’t get into the many names or classifications of one with this addiction, but it could be the reason why you’re not enough🤷🏽‍♀️. O-k, I think I should move on from this subject. I suddenly hear silent justifications for cheating. Let me get out of your thoughts and on to the next paragraph🏃🏽‍♀️.

I know I haven’t covered them all, but I believe these are the most common, next to substance abuse. Any behavior you cannot control can become an addiction. Thus, it is important to address the behavior by working towards a remedy for change.

And remember…
“Make sense of what you do, and make every cent count.”

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Stop Living Vicariously Through Your Children

Children are the biggest blessing one could ask for. There’s nothing more beautiful than having a child in your own image. It’s a bonus when they actually look like you. But must they live in your shadow with smoother edges?

You’re lucky if your child wants to be like you. But children should be allowed to have their own identity, and you should encourage that. If by chance they do follow in your footsteps, don’t ruin the experience by curating their lifestyle to fit your taste. Their life is no art show. It’s their life.

You can’t use them as a time machine to go back and do things differently or more fashionably. Continue to work on yourself, for that is the best example you can give them. They’ll appreciate that more than you trying to make their moves fit your groove.

There’s nothing wrong with wanting your kids to look as good as you or better. Be smarter than you. Do more than you did. See things you didn’t. Go places you’ve never been. But when your heartfelt desires start putting too much pressure on them, you need to give them some time and space to think about what they want for their own lives.

Some men will go as far as signing their sons up for football when he might be better at baseball. It’s okay to keep them active, but let them choose their own sport.

Some women may encourage their daughters to join the dance team when she’d rather join the band. Does it matter which uniform she chooses as long as she’s involved in some extracurricular activity?

If you missed out on something your heart desired as a child, that does not make it okay to pursue or live it through your child. If she chooses to keep it simple for prom, then let her. If he chooses to go to prom alone, then let him. These are not acts of disobedience. They’re called choices.

Now don’t get me wrong, there are limits to choices. If you can afford to put your child in an excellent private school, but she prefers public school, that’s too bad. She shouldn’t have a choice, unless she can present valid reasons through research and other fact findings to defend her choice. Most kids won’t do that, by the way. Nevertheless, you must still be in agreement. Education is important. Her desire to wear street clothes, name brand, and exotic hair and nails to look cool is irrelevant.

If he doesn’t want to represent your alma mater, it should be okay as long as he is pursuing a good education and living his dream. If he chooses Alabama State Crimson Tide over the LSU Tigers, at least he’s still playing football.

Don’t kill their dreams with your agenda. Instead, celebrate their individuality and support their choices. You can find “me” in the word “dream”, but there are no alphabets that can form “you”.

And remember…
“Make sense of what you do, and make every cent count.”

Photo: Flickr. Beauty Queen by Dancerdawg2luv

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Toxic Relationships in a Toxic World

I’m not sure why anyone would want to stay in a toxic relationship, but it has indeed become the norm for many couples. You can judge by the featured photo how draining it can be. I guess the toxins of the earth is spilling over into relationships and contaminating good soil🤷🏽‍♀️. Regardless of the reason, it is unhealthy because high levels of toxicity can be damaging to your mind, body, and spirit.

Men and women alike enter one toxic relationship after another and often wonder why they never work out. If your doctor told you a particular food ingredient was threatening your life, would you continue to eat it? Unfortunately, evidence in the health and relationship realm proves that many have continued with their bad habits.

You can choose your battles in relationships or just let things be, but when the relationship itself is a daily battle, then it’s considered toxic. According to verywellmind, “a toxic relationship is one that makes you feel unsupported, misunderstood, demeaned, or attacked.” Please be mindful that toxic relationships are not limited to dating partners. As mentioned in previous blogs, it can exist within friendships and other alliances. However, I am going to focus on dating partners.

Let’s break down the meaning of a toxic relationship by defining its strong points. Whether it’s abuse, gaslighting, narcissism, selfishness, jealousy, or insecurity, each one falls under one of the four categories below.

Unsupported

Support is bigger than backing your decision to go back to school or start a business. Your partner must be willing to sacrifice time and endure emotional stress. Avoid applying pressure. Adapt to the changes, and pitch in where he or she can. Allow time for self care, and put some requests on hold.

A person can feel unsupported in many other aspects of life, such as with raising kids, budgeting and saving, planning and decision-making, resolving problems, defending one’s character, or simply standing up for that person when he or she feels attacked by family members or peers.

Failing to act or acting dishonorably can make one feel unsupported. If he’s jealous, he’s unsupportive. If she’s insecure, she’s unsupportive. If you are selfish, you are unsupportive. As you can see, the concept of being unsupportive has so many levels to it. A healthy relationship has no place for the latter.

Misunderstood

Gaslighting is a perfect way of making one feel misunderstood. Conversations and messages get misconstrued and twisted, causing self doubt. Narcissists are good at gaslighting. They are arrogant manipulators who don’t like to be wrong and often play the victim. They like to deflect and make you look like the fool or idiot, if you try to challenge or correct them.

It’s possible to feel misunderstood in any relationship, depending on the circumstances. However, if you’re left feeling misunderstood often, then communication and understanding are definitely tainted in your relationship.

Demeaned

Any words not spoken out of love or support can be demeaning. If he says, “you’re nothing without him,” that’s demeaning. If she says, “you’ll never get the promotion because you’re not smart enough,” that’s demeaning. If you often feel insulted or put down by your partner, you are being demeaned in that relationship.

Attacked

Let’s be clear. Correction is not a form of attack. You must be willing to accept constructive criticism in a healthy relationship. It is when correction is combined with aggression that makes it an attack. Nevertheless, an attack does not have to involve correction. It can verbal or physical abuse. Relationships of that sort present high enough levels of toxicity to be considered dangerous.

Toxic behavior can be treated, but the individual must be willing to undergo treatment and apply the necessary changes. If you are the partner, you must be patient and supportive. I believe any relationship can be saved, but not every relationship is worth it.

Your decision to stay in a toxic relationship is your choice, but your happiness depends on it.

And remember…
“Make sense of what you do, and make every cent count.”

Photo: Flickr. How Your Relationship Becomes Toxic by Lyle Evans

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